Merkins and Margaritas

'Mos against Moir

2009-10-17T00:44:00.006+01:00

New from K-Tel, its the cd you've all been waiting for, its 'Mos Against Moir! 15 classic tracks for one poisonous bitch. Strike a blow for 'mos everywhere! All profits to LGBT charidees. Buy now and show your solidarity for sapphists, concordance with cocksuckers and your bond with betty-both-ways.

Featuring such hits as;

Electric Six - Gay Bar
Blondie - Rip Her to Shreds
Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You
Muse - Uprising
Rihanna - Dem Haters
Elton John - Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word
Aretha Franklyn - RESPECT
Kelis - I Hate You So Much Right Now
Alice Cooper - Poison
Erasure - Love to Hate You
Culture Club - Do You Really Want to Hurt Me
Timbaland - Apologize

And many more

(Available in all branches of M&S)

Gay sex in music vids? God forbid!

2009-09-04T19:44:00.002+01:00

Reading through old Observer columns by Victoria Coren, I came across this article which reminded me of something I 'observed' a while ago.

Why is it that gay music artists have completely sexless videos to accompany their singles? Het bands and singers smooch with hot men & women all the time if they want to. Look at any rap star's vids and voluptuous women shaking their collective booties are ten a penny. Chris Isaak famously romped with a semi naked Helena Christiansen in his Wicked Game video etc etc. So where are the same sex hotties in our favourite gay/bi artists vids then? Nowhere to be seen, that's where.

Unless its lesbian shenanigans of course and then only if a) the artist isn't actually a lesbian themselves and/or b) its for the titillation of the male viewer. Hence Tatu and their faux dyke groping and Katy Perry.

Has George Michael ever done a video where he's got a bit raunchy with some gay beefcake? No. His video for 'Outside' did feature some same sex naughtiness but it wasn't actually him partaking.

Now, to be honest, I don't watch MTV 24/7. Not that they ever play music vids these days anyway. They should rename it RTV (with the R denoting 'reality'). So I haven't seen alot of videos lately. I am willing to bet I'm right though.

Playing doctor

2009-08-26T14:15:00.004+01:00

I don't normally watch alot of daytime tv. Oh shit, who am I kidding? Since I've been unemployed I've been subsisting on a diet of Homes Under the Hammer and repeats of Come Dine with me. But I don't watch alot of late afternoon tv like Murder She Wrote or Doctors. I'm usually out or surfing the net. We had Doctors on in the background today. I wasn't really paying much attention until it came to the storyline with two sons in the family business who were fighting like cat & dog and their put upon father who was trying to keep the peace. It all sounds unremarkable until I tell you that the family business is clowning and the two sons spent the entire episode in full clown costume and make-up. I found it a bit too forced at first. A comedy storyline shoe-horned in to lighten up the tone. Until it emerged that one of the clowns was called Winky. Poor Winky was the focus of his brother's bitterness because he was sick of his circumstances. Its good to know you can still get comedy mileage from naming someone after a child's euphemism for penis. And by god it worked. Hilarious. Especially the following exchange;

Son - "I want a better life!"
Dad - "So what, you blame Winky...?"

Yes. There's many a problem been caused by Winky.

Curses and chilli and cows, oh my!

2009-08-23T20:06:00.002+01:00

I haven't blogged here in so long I could barely remember my password. I thought I'd try starting it again, mainly because I've been inspired by the lovely Victoria Coren's blog. Not that I have an Observer column or a poker habit to talk about...

So what's been occupying my thoughts today?

This morning I thought I was cursed. I managed to knock the shower curtain rail off and struggled to get it back up again but I persevered through wet hands and general cluelessness and finally succeeded. Then I put some toast on to discover that the toaster was only toasting one side of the bread for some bizarre reason. I've no idea what I did to it. These things are supposed to come in threes but I'm still waiting for the final annoyance. So not much weight to the curse theory then. Maybe I'm just a clumsy bugger.

I caught about five minutes of Countryfile this evening and saw a piece about the amount of methane cows produce which damages the environment. We were being encouraged to have one meat free day a week to cut down on emissions. Now as I've already admitted, I only saw a little bit of it and haven't fully understood the subject, but surely we should be having a dairy free day as well then? Presumably as many cows are bred for their milk as for their meat? And to be honest I'm not totally clear on how having a meat free day is going to affect climate change. So that there's less demand for cow products and therefore less livestock will be bred?

And finally I'm thinking of what I can cook this week. I'm toying with the idea of chilli con carne but I haven't made it for 20 years or so. I don't remember it being particularly complicated though. Its not that different from bolognese (which I'm reasonably good at) really apart from chilli powder & kidney beans. I think. The alternative is Thai green chicken curry with lime & coriander rice which I've never ever made before. I did print off a couple of recipes some time ago but god knows what I've done with them.

So now you know. Well its not like I promised radical thinking, thrills & spills, sex and a cliffhanger ending is it?

Health food

2009-03-16T17:10:00.002Z

Today I am mostly making celery, leek & potato soup. I've had a taste & its yummy, if I say so myself. I'm trying to be healthy and cut down on my saturated fat intake as this last week or so I've been having some health problems. I think I may have angina as I keep getting an uncomfortable feeling in my chest & breathlessness when I do minor stuff like going up the stairs. Not good. Its probably the kick in the arse I need though. My diet has been dreadful for a long time now. Too much junk food. So far I've been fairly good though I did slip on Saturday when I went out for a curry with mates. It was a birthday celebration though so I put it down to an occasional treat & got back to the healthy stuff the next day. I'm hoping I'll lose weight too of course. I've got a lot of it to shift. Wish me luck!

All's fair in jobs & pics

2009-02-04T22:18:00.002Z

I've been to a jobs fair today at the Manchester City Stadium which should actually be good news and brilliant and everything but it wasn't. It was quite the little waste of time actually. I'm not sure what I expected but what I actually got were various employers handing out booklets of stuff they'd printed off their websites along with instructions to check the websites out. As I got there a woman was giving a little speech saying that none of the exhibitors would accept cvs. Fantastic. It would've been nice to have known that before I printed off half a dozen copies of mine. Maybe it would've been better if I'd been someone who didn't have internet access at home or if I was looking for general job seeking advice but I wasn't, so I felt like I'd had a bit of a wasted journey.

Well, it wasn't totally wasted. I'd had a nice late lunch at Katsouris Deli (Lamb Siciliana sandwich - yum) and I took the opportunity to photograph the controversial sculpture 'B of the Bang' before it gets pulled down as well as the town hall & ferris wheel. A couple of the results, after much faffing around with photo editing software, are below.

More piccies

2009-02-04T22:16:00.001Z

B of the Bang

B of the Bang with the Man City stadium in the background

Piccies

2009-02-04T22:12:00.003Z

Albert Memorial in sepia tones

Manchester Town Hall

Same again, this time in colour

Stupid but brilliant.

2009-01-29T21:42:00.001Z

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok5rOO2v2dU

Experience the joy of Dominik the Donkey.

I should be so lucky...

2009-01-29T17:38:00.002Z

I don't know how its happened but I seem to be having a lucky day today. I've been for lunch in town with bro and took the opportunity to search various sales for a dvd box set that I've been after. I'd seen the Dr Who series 2 & 3 sets in Asda just before Xmas for the bargain price of £25 but when I went back in the new year to get one they'd disappeared. I've searched a few places since including Zavvi which is in receivership or something and offering huge discounts on their stock. I hadn't had any luck so when I went in Zavvi again this afternoon I wasn't holding out much hope. But there it was, Series 2 £24.99. Hurrah! But this was the label price you see. There were further discounts to be had so when I eventually paid for it it was just under £19. *happy dance*. In another store I also found an Arctic Monkeys album that I wanted for £3.

Then I got home & checked my email to find a message telling me that I'd won £10 in last night's lottery draw. Ok, so its not going to bail me out of this recession but at least with all the other stuff its given me a happy day.

I should do something positive now to continue the trend. Searching for jobs is the obvious choice. There's one where they want someone to take photos of handbags for a living. Every girls dream you'd think but me & handbags have a love/hate relationship. I'm not a girly girl and until recently wouldn't be seen dead with a handbag but I've slowly come round to their charms and have a very small collection in my wardrobe. No media jobs around unfortunately but I've got some admin jobs to apply for instead.

Maybe there's something else I could be doing too? Like, oh I don't know, solving a series of murders involving a killer who makes miniatures of the crime scenes? With ELO's Mr Blue Sky playing in the background? No?

I rock!

2009-01-25T20:13:00.000Z

Last night I discovered the new love of my life. Our interaction was a bit shaky at first. I kept making mistakes. But the more I got into it the easier it became. That was, until I'd had a couple of beers and a couple of large glasses of wine and then it all went a bit pear shaped.

Yep, I've discovered Guitar Hero. I think I'm in love. Suddenly I *am* Pat Benatar. Well, if Pat played guitar that is. Which she doesn't. Er, so I'm probably more Neil Geraldo then?

I started with lead guitar on the Go Gos hit 'We Got the Beat' and pretty much failed miserably. I just couldn't coordinate my hands with the chords and the timing and looking at the screen and oh my. After a couple of attempts I got a little better but it wasn't until I switched to bass that I really started to improve. Handy hint for newbies then - start with bass playing. After more & more attempts I eventually graduated to rhythm guitar. Even my mate J who wouldn't normally go for such fripperies was hooked and he became a demon bass player too. Our final tour de force was 'Band on the Run' with me & K on vocals (this time it was 'Rock Band' I think) & J on bass. I think we can expect a couple of CSIs on our tail shortly. It was the perfect murder.

Late as usual

2009-01-12T22:18:00.002Z

Uhm, happy new year. Anyone..... anyone.....?

Not much to say other than my hip is giving me gyp (seems to be doing that alot lately. Its my age), the new Dr Who is soooo young but I'm sure he's going to be fab, new CSI:LV starts tomorrow (wooo hoooo!), still no job, am gutted that I can't afford to go to LA this year (but then neither can any of my friends apparently) and well... life's just plodding along as normal really.

Here's hoping 2009 will be better than 2008.

Goodnight Bagpuss! Goodnight Ivor!

2008-12-09T14:40:00.002Z

I've just learned of the death of Oliver Postgate and am really quite upset. He was a British institution and beloved of generations of children like me who grew up watching his 'Smallfilms' made with his partner in cuddly crime, Peter Firmin. I feel like a large part of my childhood has gone with him. Tonight I will honour him by cuddling my very own Bagpuss whilst eating chocolate biscuits made by a group of mice and singing songs of porcupine pin cushions and Tavish McTavish.

Snow limits

2008-12-02T12:03:00.004Z

Its funny how everything grinds to a halt in this country just because of a couple of inches of snow. It was a nice surprise to wake up to it and I bounced out of bed a bit more enthusiastically than usual. What a lovely day to go out and take photos of snow covered hills* and trees. I had to sign on at the dole office first though and that's when the problems started. Traffic was bumper to bumper on the main road outside and it was past the usual rush hour time. Some chap at the bus stop said some people further up the road had been waiting an hour for a bus (oh great!) but luckily one arrived a minute or so later. Then an ever so lovely lady glared at me when I dared to ask her to move her bags so I could sit down (on a packed bus). It really brings out the best in people doesn't it? And when I finally got into Bolton the dole office was shut. Marvellous!

I learned from my mate that the school she worked in was shut as well. It occurred to me that there was a need for my services since loads of places would be short staffed and I considered prostituting myself round town offering manual labour or admin assistance for cash in hand, no questions asked, nudge nudge. I'm not the most ballsy or cheeky of people though so I just half jokingly asked at the dole office when I realised it was open again. No such luck of course.

I'm pretty much amused by it all. I suppose I wouldn't be if I'd actually had to get into town for work. God help us if we ever had a Survivors style flu pandemic on our hands. If we can't cope with a couple of inches of snow now, what hope would we have then? Talking of which I woke up with a case of the pre-cold sniffles this morning. Uh oh. We're doomed!

* Copyright Stevie Nicks circa 1977 or somesuch.

Cool gig alert!

2008-10-20T16:21:00.000+01:00

Bit of a promo for a mate's band here.

Tuesday 28th October, 8.30pm at the Night & Day cafe on Oldham St in Manchester city centre. Sex Education are a New Wave/Electro pop band from Liverpool and they're playing live in Manchester. If anyone is interested please check out their Myspace page or look for the event on Facebook - 'Sex Education at the Night & Day cafe'.

There are two other dates in Wigan and Chester if Manchester is too far.

Chillin' & daydreaming

2008-10-12T16:19:00.002+01:00

Today I have been mostly sitting in a coffee shop listening to Joni Mitchell on my iPod and doing the Times Samurai Sudoku and the jumbo crossword. Considering its a lovely sunny day maybe I should have been out somewhere taking photos and making the most of it but for me Sundays are about relaxation.

On the way home I started daydreaming about a kind of business I'd like to run if I had a clue about such things and the necessary capital. It'd be a members only club that'd be a shrine to relaxation. Not a spa, although I think I would have a couple of rooms where you could get a massage, but somewhere you could have a coffee (or tea etc but no alcohol) and read the paper in a nice peaceful atmosphere.

I'd have one room that was completely quiet. No music or talking and with wood panelling and soft leather armchairs. And lots of shelves full of books and various newspapers to read. No food allowed in there either but you can take drinks in.

Another would be much the same but with soft music and food and talking allowed. I'm not sure whether I might have two rooms like this, one done out like the quiet room and another a bit more modern.

I'd have a dining room with a top notch chef providing the food. Mixture of tables and a more relaxed seating area. It'd be open for breakfast and lunch. Maybe dinner as well if I decided to open in the evenings.

Then there'd be the aforementioned rooms where you can get a massage with relaxing background music & maybe some aromatherapy.

And I think I'd have a couple of themed rooms eg beach sounds and decor with loungers and maybe a woodland themed room.

Sounds good doesn't it? I'd love to have somewhere like that. A haven of tranquility. Ooh that's a thing. I could have a Zen garden. Oh and there'd be a service where if you fell asleep you could let a member of staff know in advance what time you need to be out and they'd come and wake you up.

Damn I wish I was there now.

Bloomin lovely

2008-10-02T13:06:00.002+01:00

Just wanted to share this picture of a rose from my mum's garden that I'm really rather proud of.

Jobbie

2008-09-30T16:25:00.003+01:00

No unfortunately I'm not blogging to say I've got a job. I am trying my utmost to step my search up a notch. I've been far too lazy about getting one and money is running out fast. I've just received two forms for jobs at my local university. Just admin ones but reading the skills list fills me with dread and I've got the old 'I'm not qualified for this!' feeling. I'm terrible at selling myself. I've no confidence at all and I often take one look at the job description and panic. I wish I was better at it. I know I'm intelligent and hard working and capable and reliable but just saying that isn't enough. I went for a little advice sesh at the Jobcentre the other week. It was ok but I don't really feel much better off than I did before. I've got a website to look at for further details. I think it was Learndirect or something.

So I rang one agency I'd sent my cv to who told me they didn't have anything. I tried to ring another but no-one was answering the phone. I've just trawled the Jobcentre website and printed off a couple of job details and I finally got round to uploading my application for a vaguely media related job in Salford.

What else have I been up to? I went to Cardiff a couple of weeks ago for silly Dr Who fan things and we had fun with muppets. Everyone seemed impressed by them and our performance and I got very drunk and silly and created a photo story on my Facebook page of 'When Muppets Go Bad'. Thankfully I don't think I was too embarrassing. The weekend after I went to a friends wedding reception near Birmingham which was great fun and it was really good to see people I hadn't seen for a while. The hotel we stayed in was like the Crossroads Motel but still stuck in the 70s. Appalling decor and really rather dog eared and grubby but at least it wasn't crawling with creatures and everything seemed basically hygenic. Well, apart from one of the glasses in the bathroom with was encrusted with toothpaste. Ew! By all accounts the Premiertravellodgeinn that the rest of them were staying at wasn't much better.

As I mentioned in my previous post I've a tiny weeny piece in the latest issue of Countryfile magazine. Its a column called 'My Country Escape' to which I've contributed a very small part. I've now got a Myspace page, not that I use it much, and am still spending far too much time on Facebook. My thoughts on the new layout are that its probably here to stay so I might as well get used to it. And at least we have Scrabble again though it looks like I can't play against my chums from across the pond. Boo!

And Ugly Betty and The L Word are back! Woo hoo!

Fear itself

2008-08-01T09:53:00.004+01:00

I think last night/this morning was one of the most frightening times of my life. We were broken into in the middle of the night. I woke up about 4am and heard someone moving about downstairs. I knew my brother hadn't been sleeping well and thought it might've been him but somehow I knew something was really wrong and I tentatively opened my bedroom door to check. My brother's snoring from his room opposite confirmed it. They'd even been as brazen as to switch the light on in the room they were robbing. I could'nt quite believe it was happening (you never think it'll happen to you) and terrified, I grabbed my mobile phone and dashed across the landing to my brother's room to wake him. I think I swore at him for some reason. Fear probably. I was too panicky to use my mobile so he used the land line in his room and called the police. They were here so quickly. We were trying to be quiet so when the policeman arrived and nearly drove past the house I used my mobile LED light to signal to him which house it was. (As far as he would've been able to tell, the house was in complete darkness). The thief had probably done a runner by then anyway, alerted by me leaving my room or bro's voice calling the cops. More signalling that the scrote was round the back somewhere, then some terrified waiting while they brought in the dogs and searched the area and then we were safe and finally we could switch the lights on and see what had been taken. Which in the end, wasn't much.

We're both ok but a bit shaken. It hasn't really sunk in yet which I'm trying to force by doing this because I need to get it out of my system. I nearly cried when the policewoman was taking my statement but managed to keep it in check, which isn't the best thing really. I'm being far too calm. Its not good.

Lessons learned and a warning to anyone who's actually reading this:

If you have a burglar alarm, put it on at night when you go to bed. My mum does this but for some reason we don't. We've never really felt the need. Didn't think it'd happen to us I guess.

Take purses, wallets, ipods, mobiles etc up to bed with you. Don't leave them in coat pockets or on the table or whatever.

And don't, whatever you do, try to confront the burglars. I begged my brother not go go downstairs a couple of times. Fortunately he listened.

Oh and listen to your instincts. If they're telling you something is wrong, then something is wrong. Who cares if you look like an idiot if you're mistaken? If I hadn't I'd have just gone back to sleep assuming that my brother was causing the noise and then god knows what would've happened.

Dance this mess around

2008-07-29T16:41:00.003+01:00

Ok, I've just realised that alot of my posts this year have been whiny. Moany. Whingey. Call it what you want. I think that's mainly because lately I have been moany and whiny. So I thought I'd write a post that contained no whingeing whatsoever. Easier said than done.

I've been having fun wherever I can, hanging out with mates, going out on trips etc. I had a nice birthday. I went for lunch at the garden centre with my mum and enjoyed looking at the flowers. And later that evening I went for a very cheap meal and drinks with a couple of my mates. I had a whale of a time. I really enjoyed their company.

I got a new SLR camera from my brother. Grand! I haven't quite got the hang of it yet but I'm sure I will do in time. So far the only place I've taken it to was Southport last week. I took advantage of the nice weather although it was a bit windy. I walked the length of the pier which wasn't all it was cracked up to be unfortunately (its in the middle of a retail park!) but then had a better walk along the main shopping street which was full of hanging baskets brimming with flowers. I then caught a bus to a place called Churchtown which is a lovely olde world village with black & white & thatched cottages. Most of my time there was spent at the Botanical Gardens which were gorgeous and full of colour. All in all it was a gorgeous day and by the end of it I was tired but happy.

The next night me & bro went to watch the B52s at Manchester Academy and they absolutely rocked. Fred was as camp as ever & I loved his dance moves. The girls still look good and Keith doesn't look any different from 16 years ago. We had a great time despite being a bit too old to be stood up all night. We had achy muscles afterwards.

Its summer at last and I'm enjoying the sunshine. Am trying to get out when I can to visit places & take photos. I went to Turton Tower a few weeks ago and was the only one there apart from the staff.

Tomorrow I'm off into Manchester for lunch at a posh restaurant with my best mate. Its my late birthday present. We went for a curry last week which was originally supposed to be my gift but she was so drunk she forgot so we get another meal to make up for it. I'm supposed to be going to watch the new Batman film tomorrow night with some mates. Cool. Then on Thursday I'm meeting Bro for lunch. So I'm being kept fairly busy lately.

Sometime soon (I hope) there's a book coming out that has a brief interview with me linked to an audio play I did a few years ago. I hope I'm sufficiently funny and entertaining in it. And a friend has asked me to write a brief piece for the magazine he edits. I've got three or four of my photos in the Schmap travel guides (San Francisco, Oxford and Manchester) and am currently working on writing a song for a sketch that me & a friend will be doing in a few weeks at a fan gathering.

So there we are then. I can be a positive little bunny when I want to be.

I still need a f***ing job though.

Communication breakdown

2008-06-10T17:01:00.003+01:00

I think what I really need to do with my life is to become a communication skills consultant for businesses.

Today I have been mostly doing an impression of that famous painting by Munch. I've started a new temp assignment, this time with a different agency. Its hard to know which company is the most crap, the agency or the place I'm actually working at. Everyone is just so bloody vague about everything. I've been told I'll be there for 'a couple of weeks' but no one has bothered to tell me exactly how long that is. Am I there this week and next? Or will I be there the week after as well? This morning I had an induction at a different office to the one I'd be working in. I had to ask what time they wanted me there. If I hadn't, the woman from the agency wouldn't have told me. When I got there I was kept waiting for about 20 minutes because the HR woman wasn't expecting me. Oh joy! All I did was read an info pack and get a badge made up. I made my way to the office at the other side of Bolton. Its not like I went shopping on the way or anything but I didn't exactly rush to get there as the previous day the manager had said "We'll see you when we see you." (this was after he'd said he wasn't sure if I was supposed to go for an induction). I got there at 10.15 to be told that the manager was in a meeting because they'd expected me there at 9.45. Nice of someone to tell me, eh? After a brief tour I was left with the girl who would be training me. Except she couldn't train her way out of a paper bag. Its difficult to describe why she's so rubbish except to say that she was very vague, would only tell me important stuff when prompted by a question, just handed me a sheet with some names & numbers on without going into specifics (or 'pacifics' as she said) about what they did or what half the terms on the sheet meant, muttered something about needing access to the computer but didn't tell me exactly what I needed access to or when I needed to use it... I could go on. Rubbish.

I don't even have a definite start or finish time. I'm told the general office hours are 8.45 til 5pm but that I can sort out with N (the girl who's training me) whether I start and finish early or late as we would take it in turns. She wasn't really willing to give me a straight answer either. And then there was the lunch hour. I can accept that the nature of the job is such that all the calls I take will be different and maybe it doesn't lend itself to a structured training programme but I wasn't even being told the basics. Its a customer service line I'm manning but I've been told just to take messages until N is back from hols next week. Oh yeah, a day and a half 'training' and she goes on hols. Wonderful. God help the poor tenants who are going to ring me. "I'm sorry but I've no real idea what to do with your enquiry, d'you want to take pot luck and I'll put you through to a random name on my list?"

The agency aren't much better. I was sent to an interview last week but given the wrong info about what the job was. When they first rang me about it the woman said it was in Over Hulton on the A6 (or somesuch), even saying herself that the A6 was the road that ran from Manchester to Preston (ie its a fucking long road) then when asked for something more specific she seemed to think that just telling me it was in Over Hulton (on the A6) was enough. Even on the second call they were unwilling to narrow it down. "If you can't find it on Monday just ring us & we'll give you directions." Why not just give me the fucking directions now then I won't have to call you on Monday? They didn't even tell me what the hours were or what the pay was. The guy interviewing me said he'd know whether I'd got the job that afternoon. It took the agency 2 days to tell me that I hadn't got it.

And now to this job. Again they didn't bother telling me the hours or the pay until I prompted them. They couldn't tell me exactly how long I'd be working there and were vague about what time I was supposed to be at my induction. And they've obviously not bothered to tell me that I was supposed to be back at the other office for 9.45 or told the HR lady that I was coming. While I was on my way I got a phone call asking me for details of a referee. Info that I gave them 5 months ago when I signed up FFS!

And now to cap it all, when I got home I've got a form that's been sent to me. Its a form about my tax payments/P45 for the new temp job but I haven't the foggiest idea who its from. No compliments slip, no note, nothing. Is it from the agency? Is it from the Job Centre (I'd tried to sign on again last week as, at that time, no one had called me to offer more work)? Is it from the tax office? Fuck knows. Its a good job I don't have to send it back to the people who sent it to me as I've no fucking idea who they are.

Why are some people just so fucking crap at communicating?

So maybe I should make a corporate video? Design some posters? Become a communications consultant (which, lets face it, might as well be called a 'common sense' consultant or a 'having some fucking manners' consultant) and make a mint?

I need a telepath though. One from TV or film who the general public would recognise. There's plenty of 'em in Babylon 5 but that's a bit too niche. Would the Ood from Dr Who do? Hey, there's a thing...

"Ood have thought it? Telepaths don't actually exist. If I need to know it then you need to open your mouth and tell me."

How's that for a catchphrase?

Phantom raspberry blower

2008-05-26T19:23:00.002+01:00

Today I took it upon myself to make some raspberry sauce to go with some vanilla ice cream I bought from Asda. I've had some rasps taking up space in the freezer and some caster sugar that needed using up so I thought I'd look up a recipe on t'internet. So, long story short, I took approx 200 grams of rasps, 2 tablespoons of caster sugar, a dash of water (2-4 tablespoons ish), put em all in a pan, simmered until mushy, put through a sieve to get the seeds out, put back in pan & re-simmered (whether this is necessary or not I don't know) for a little while, adding a touch more sugar to taste, then left to cool in a little white jug and voila. I'm not one for bragging usually but I've just had some and it was absolutelyfuckinggorgeous. Yum!

English stressed

2008-05-19T18:17:00.003+01:00

I just had to come on here and have a good old rant. Today I have been taking an English test. Its just a little thing through the agency, getting paid to sit it for a company that is formulating the test for foreign nationals. Now, I don't actually have much information about what the test is for other than what I've just said. I wonder whether its anything to do with a citizenship test or the new legislation coming into effect (if it hasn't already) that makes it difficult for immigrants to come here unless they've got some sort of job/qualification we need (much like the Australian points system if you know what I mean). Which is why I imagined that it was just a basic English test ie testing grammar, punctuation etc.

What I actually got was an exam seeing if I understood molecular biology and environmental science. What.... the ..... fuck?! Ah so its a test for foreign national nuclear physicists is it? Or foreign national brain surgeons? Foreign national marine biologists? Anyone? Anyone? Admittedly there were a few questions about English; select the verbs in this sentence, fill in the blank words from this drop down list, read out the sentence etc but half the questions weren't a test of English at all. Or didn't seem to be. The first couple of questions seemed to be about how quickly you could take notes and then summarise them (ok this might be vaguely language related), another about how quickly you could type. By far the worst ones were where you had to listen to an excerpt from a lecture on some complex scientific subject and then describe in your own words what the lecturer was saying. Say what?! How the fuck is that a test of someone's ability to understand English per se? I speak the language fluently and I couldn't understand a fucking word. And I'm not sure if it was because the speech was taken out of context but one chap just seemed to be randomly wittering on about fish. The best I could grasp was, "Sometimes the fish want to feed but sometimes they don't which could be really bad.". I don't think I've ever felt so utterly stupid in my entire life. Well, I probably have but it loses the effect otherwise.

I'm not a thicko. I'd say I was reasonably intelligent. I can string a sentence together which is more that some people manage these days. But how is asking someone to explain complex scientific concepts a test of their ability to understand English? Its like an optician testing your eyesight by getting you to fart the theme from Dad's Army. Is it going to get you to the train station in time for the 3.20 to Chiswick? Or get you a meat & potato pie from Dave's van outside the football stadium? Or secure a room in a Blackpool B&B? What practical use/application does it have?

Maybe its not a test for the average Joe (or Juan) and that's why its so unnecessarily complicated. If so, why get people like me to complete it? I'm baffled. I skipped quite a few questions. I was tempted to give a sarcastic answer but thought it might stop me from getting paid. At least its over now. I was so stressed. I know it doesn't amount to a hill of beans compared to alot of things that are going on in the world right now. Never again. Never.

Oh, and it doesn't inspire much confidence when there's an elementary spelling mistake on one of the first screens. How can someone who doesn't know the difference between 'too' and 'to' test other people on their English? *sigh*

Where does the time go?

2008-04-01T16:47:00.003+01:00

Its official. Facebook has completely taken over my life. I'm spending far too much time on there playing Scrabulous and Superpoking. God I love to have a good Superpoke. *giggle*

I'd love to be able to list all the things that have been going on since I last posted but I've been doing f*** all. Still no job. I signed up with another agency but I've had no contact from them. Great. The whole process of claiming dole is really getting me down too. The fact that I've worked, paid taxes and national insurance for nearly 20 years means absolutely jack shit to them. I'm just some other workshy chav who doesn't deserve a penny. Oh wait though. Workshy chavs get money f***ing thrown at them don't they? Don't want to work? Think the world f***ing owes you everything? Think spitting out babies for benefits is a really great idea? Here, have wads and wads of cash! Meanwhile I had a sanction on my money because I quit my job voluntarily. It should run out this week. Great. Except that I got a letter this morning saying they weren't paying me anything from now on. Its probably because I missed my signing on session last week. I totally forgot about it. I've only been doing it for a month or two so I haven't got used to the routine yet. I could have lied and said I was ill or there was a family emergency but I didn't. I was honest. More fool me. I should remember that honesty doesn't pay in this country. The lady I had an appointment with said they'd cancel my claim but got me to fill in another form for a renewal claim so that I'd still get the money. Needless to say, the letter doesn't reflect this. I really hope I'm just being pessimistic and that there's another letter on its way saying I've got a new claim starting. What are the odds though? It really makes my blood boil. I paid my taxes etc so that layabouts could sit on their backsides but now when I need that help they don't want to know. Bastards.

I'll have to try giving the second agency a kick up the arse.

LA was loads of fun. Its such a pity its so smoggy. I had a great time drinking the bar dry with my mates and having a laugh. My new favourite cocktail is the frozen strawberry daquiri. Yum! And we made the aquaintance of the stupidest person to walk the planet - an air steward called Jamie. He was so dumb that I thought he must be putting it on. He cruised our little group for ages, the gay men I was with panting with lust after him. As soon as he opened his mouth though. Oh dear. He asked if there were any homos around. Like the half dozen tongues lolling in his direction weren't blatantly obvious. He asked why we were there and was told it was for a Dr Who convention. Quite seperately, B mentioned that his favourite film was Dr Zhivago. So suddenly Jamie thought we were there for a Dr Zhivago con. He disappeared for a while then came back with a chap in a kilt. He pointed to the chap and told us he was abstaining, to which kilt man said that actually he'd said his drink was absinthe. Uh oh. More shenanigans followed, too numerous to mention. Kilt man had some kind of kinky electric shock device on him. Jamie told us he wasn't into that crazy M&S shit. What? He's not into chocolate profiteroles and reinforced gussets? For shame.

Happy days. The only downer was the hostel I stayed in for two nights. While the website made it look really nice, in reality it was a noisy dump. Oh, sorry another downer was the journey over. Never ever ever fly with US Airways. They are utterly shit. I got stuck in Philadelphia overnight. Which sounds like a kinky cheese fetish but more annoying. I thought that the Post Office had no concept of customer service but US Airways are so so much worse. Never ever fly with them. I can't stress this enough.

I've become addicted to Sudoku since then too. It was the waiting in airports for several hours that did it. I can only do fairly easy ones and the Samurai Sudokus in the Times which are fun.

We went to watch Lucy Porter the other week and she's fab. So funny and so cute that I could just put her in my pocket and take her home.

I'm missing alot of my favourite programmes that have taken a brief hiatus due to the writers strike. Ugly Betty seems to have been gone for such a long time and the L Word, which shouldn't really have been affected has just disappeared completely. I suspect this has nothing to do with the strike but is down to Living TV just giving up on it. Bastards. Fortunately, CSI is only taking a very short break. Hurrah. I can't live without my weekly dose of blood and gore and the very sexy Marg Helgenberger. Mmmm.

Are me & my brother the only ones who cheer when the announcer warns about violence and gore at the start of the programme? I hope not.

I'm sorry, I've had wine.

2008-02-06T22:01:00.001Z

Ok, a bit of a slightly drunken train of thought thing now. I've just been prompted to remember what gigs I've been to in my eventful life. I realise how rubbish my memory is. I was asked for my favourites and I've remembered a couple but I'm sure there must be some really great ones I've forgotten thanks to my merlot-addled mind. So now I'm just trying to think of exactly which bands/artistes I've been to see. Here goes;

First one was Prince at Maine Rd Stadium in 1990? Or was it 1991? Memorable because it was my first. Not that he was bad or anything it was just that he only did an hour I think. I seem to remember my brother commenting on it.

Second one was Fleetwood Mac at the same place about a month later possibly. Supported by the River City People who had had a recent hit with a cover of California Dreaming and with special guests Hall & Oates. I remember it because it was fucking superb.

Now it gets hazy so I can only list who I've seen & where. I really can't remember what year.

The Tansads who were a Wigan based folk/rock group. I saw them twice at Wigan pier and one gig must've been in 1992 because I remember going with a girl from drama college. I was also working at Wigan Pier one time so that must've been 1991 ish.

INXS at the Gmex. This must've been 1991/2 again because I went with a chap called Declan who I was hanging around with when I was about 19/20 years old.

Same again with T'Pau at the Manchester Apollo. I was going out with Mark at the time so I would've been 20 years old.

Somewhere in between those was Rush. Once at... Sheffield? and another time at Birmingham NEC. No idea of timeframe. And also Magnum at Manchester Apollo? Or have I imagined that?

Sheryl Crow at the MEN arena, twice iirc. Acoustics shite and I absolutely hate the MEN for it. It was Shezza though so I couldn't not go. Post millennium I think.

Tori Amos at the Apollo. Three times at least? All post minellium.

Eddi Reader at the Lowry. 3 times possibly? PM. Just remembered I also saw her at one of the Manchester Academy venues in about 1998.

Jools Holland and his Rhythm & Blues Orchestra in Edinburgh. I forget the name of the concert hall. My brother was living in Edinburgh at the time. I'm sure we saw him at the Apollo in Manchester as well but I could be wrong.

Duran Duran, Manchester Apollo when it was just Nick Rhodes & Simon LB from the original team. Late 1990s possibly. Then again with full original line up at the MEN arena in about 2005?

The B52s at the Apollo. Early 1990s.

K T Tunstall at the Apollo. Twice. 2007 (definitely) and maybe 2005?

Keane. MEN arena. 2006? or 2007?

Peter Gabriel. MEN arena. 2005/6?

Scissor Sisters. MEN arena. 2007. Deffo.

Saint Etienne, the Ritz in Manch. Um, 2004?

Natalie Imbruglia, Manchester Academy 2004/5 ish?

Natalie Merchant, Manchester Academy... god knows when.

Marcella Detroit & Carlos Guitarlos. Some small place in the middle of London. 2004/5 ish?

One of those Here & Now 80s reunion gigs at the MEN. Howard Jones, Toyah, Go West, ABC etc. ?

The Beautiful South. MEN arena. 1992/3?

Bluehouse I think they were called. A music/comedy group from Australia supported by Tania Bowra. No idea of the venue but it was somewhere in Sydney, Aus 2003?

And now I've lost the will to live. I'm sure there must be loads more. I'll have to troll through my drawers & stuff & see if I can find some of my ticket stubs.

Update: Still jobless. Signed up with an agency who are utterly shite. Attempted to sign on which was an ordeal. Still waiting for a decision on that one.

Off on jollies to LA again in a weeks time. I shouldn't really be going as I can't afford it but its all gone on the credit card so fuck it I'm off.

Went to London a couple of weeks ago for a long weekend. Much fun was had catching up with chums and we did a silly sketch thing for the cabaret. And were watched by Matt 'Little Britain' Lucas who apparently is a friend of a friend. Shat myself but he enjoyed it. (unless he was just being polite). Enjoyed the sketch I mean. Not me shitting myself. Also visted J & N and met the twins who are adorable but demanding. As all kids are of course.

Still no love life. Some things never change eh?

Another one bites.... the dust.

2008-01-08T16:44:00.001Z

Happy new year!

Lets hope 2008 is a damn sight better than 2007 was. I keep hearing various astrological personages saying its going to be a fab year but judging by alot of my net friends, 2007 bit the big one anyway so the new year can only be better. Here's hoping.

I signed up with a job agency yesterday so with any luck I'll be working again soon albeit in a temporary capacity. And if their zeal for finding people employment is anything like their fastidiousness over the enrolment process then I should be in good hands. Gawd it was like the Spanish Inquisition. And nobody expects that. I had to go through 20 years worth of jobs detailing what I did, why I left etc. Nightmare! I can barely remember stuff from last week never mind some mind-numbing job I did ten years ago. I needed a stiff drink afterwards.

Other than that I've got a media job to apply for if I can manage to stop myself faffing about on Facebook long enough to get it done. Fingers crossed. If procrastination was a qualification that employers were looking for I'd be a managing director by now. Or by tomorrow anyway. Ho ho.

For now I'm carrying on watching daytime TV, surfing on the net and having fun digging out cds I haven't listened to in years to upload into iTunes. I'm also trying to eke out my finances so that I can still go to LA in February without having to worry. And there's a trip to London at the end of the month. Shit I really need a job. Either that or I'm going to have to join the other dole scum and sign on. I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to that. Enquiries must be made.

Lots of fave programmes are back on imminently. New CSI: Las Vegas tonight and we'll find out whether Sara escapes the clutches of the miniature serial killer. I actually know what happens more or less, thanks to various spoilers I've happened across.

Torchwood is also back very soon, there's new ER later this week and the Life on Mars spin off starts soon. TV is my life at the moment.

Shit I need a job. Quick.

iTunes iNnoyance

2007-12-21T23:52:00.001Z

This evening I have been mostly uploading my first audiobook to my iTunes library and then to my ipod.

Won't be doing that again.

Its not like uploading your usual music cd. At least this effort wasn't. iTunes couldn't get any track names, cover art etc from Gracenote so I spent about 1/2 an hour typing in all the details, making sure it all matched up etc. Tedious but simple. Or so I thought. Only, you see, it was loaded into my ipod as a 'music' cd not an audiobook as I thought it would. And once it was in my ipod the tracks were in alphabetical order not the correct running order as in my library. Arse! Much faffing around ensued but I really couldn't figure out how to change it. Thankfully Ben A and Noax came to my rescue and, more tedious faffing around changing file names later, I had it in my audiobook section. Only in my ipod its still in the wrong order. Oh well, It'll have to do.

After all that I decided to browse on iTunes for more books. Only to find the very cd I'd just uploaded but £1 more expensive. So I can either buy an actual physical cd cheaply and spend hours pissing about with it to get it mostly right or spend an extra quid and have no hassle. Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it. Gah!

Big up to the lads btw. Apparently some people do read my blog. A whale of a time was had in the Lass O Gowrie last night watching silly old Dr Who videos and deciding which companions were the foxiest. I still say Leela wins hands down.

And a big up to Bob who turned 40 last week. Much fun was had at his do in Liverpool but I think I'm way too old now to be up that late tramping round the 'Pool in the freezing cold. There was a point in the Chinese where I suddenly felt like I was having a mid-life crisis. I can't remember what triggered it now. That's middle age for you. I've found out that another of my friends is exactly the same age as Bob so a big up to Adele too.

I've discovered more daytime tv to while away my time. I've got into a routine now. Its 'Escape to the Country' to watch people with annoyingly huge amounts of money buy gorgeous houses, then either eps of Frasier I've Sky+ed or DS9 if its an ep I like, various repeats of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' and I'll spend the rest of the afternoon in town if I need some shopping or watching more stuff I've Sky+ed or surfing the net. By far the best show I've discovered is a US import called 'The Dog Whisperer'. I've decided that Cesar Millan is my hero and a god. He is to dog training what Kim & Aggie are to house cleaning. Not that I'm a dog person, I'm more into cats but what he does with them is nothing short of amazing. He can take the most psychotic deranged hound and turn it into an adorable bundle of snuggly fun. He always says that its the owners he trains, he just rehabilitates the dogs. Apparently most of the bad behaviour you get in dogs is down to the owner not being a calm assertive pack leader which is first and foremost what a dog needs. It doesn't sound much when I describe it here. Its much better to watch the programme and see what I mean. Go on, you know you want to.

Hard Work

2007-12-04T15:17:00.001Z

Or not as the case may be since I'm still in the ranks of the unemployed. I did have an interview the other week though so fingers crossed for that (though I don't have much hope really). I'll have to sort something out soon as my finances aren't getting any better.

So yet more sitting around watching tv and doing bugger all else. I did actually go to Crosby a couple of weeks ago to see the sculptures on the beach and got some very nice pics. It certainly was windswept. Thank god I took my Thinsulate hat and gloves to keep me warm. I think I'd quite like to live in Crosby if I had wads and wads of cash. The houses around there are huge! There was one in particular that was for sale that was more or less a Victorian mansion. Massive! I did mean to look up on the net how much it was but I never did and no doubt its long since been sold by now. And the beach was only a 5 minute walk away. I'm a bit torn about where I want to live. On the one hand I'd like to live in the suburbs of a nice vibrant city, preferably Manchester of course. On the other hand though I'd love to live by the sea. I went to Bournemouth for a friend's wedding a few years ago and really liked it. Quaint but not too old fashioned and with a good vibe about it. And the weather is slightly more likely to be warm than oop North.

Crosby was very nice though, not that I saw a huge amount of it. I'll have to go back sometime and check out the town properly. I've been watching 'Escape to the Country' this morning and there were some gorgeous houses in Somerset on there. Really big old victorian houses, one decorated almost exactly how I'd want mine to be, and there was even a converted chapel which had a wonderful stained glass window in the master bedroom. *sigh* I can't do anything but fantasise at the moment though. I couldn't even afford a modest flat and that was before I quit my job. Damn.

I've been thinking about going back to temping. If only to get some money flowing into my account until I decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. The BBC are due for their move to Salford in the next couple of years and I have hopes that I'll get in there at some level. A nice admin job would do. I don't imagine I'll realise my dreams of becoming a camera operator but you never know, eh?

At least I have a workable cv now and plenty of tips on how to prepare for interviews. The only problem is my nerves have a tendency of getting to me and I burble incoherently when I get nervous. Which is what I did a bit in that interview the other week. Oh well.

Dole Scum

2007-11-01T16:57:00.001Z

What ho!

Gawd I'm bored sh*tless.

I've been a member of the ranks of the unemployed for just over a week now and I'm bored to death by it. Bored of watching telly, bored of surfing the net, bored of getting up late just because I can, bored bored bored.

So why do I still do it when I could be foisting myself on job agencies, rejigging my CV, answering job ads etc? Because I'm a lazy arsed get. And because 'procrastination' is my middle name. I despair of myself I really do. If anyone (if there is anyone still reading this) has any ideas how I could motivate myself I'd be eternally grateful.

Instead I've been entertaining myself with righteous anger at the Royal Mail who can't manage to deliver a small box of contact lenses to our house. I've tried emails, phone calls, actually turning up at the depot. All to no avail. B*st*rds. I've been wearing my scratched specs for the last two weeks. And if anyone makes any waggish comments re going to Specsavers I'll have to point out quite tersely that that's where I got my specs in the first place. So there.

I haven't even taken advantage of the break to go somewhere nice. I'd half planned to go to Crosby to see the Anthony Gormley art installation/sculptures on the beach. I like beaches I do. Better in summer but there's something to be said for being all gothic and windswept on a beach in autumn. Or is it winter now? I haven't even been into Manchester. Maybe i'll do that tomorrow as the weather won't be good enough for gothic gazing off into the middle distance in Crosby.

I have recently been enjoying repeats of Tenko. Just thought I'd drop that in. And Armstrong & Miller are back and as funny as they ever were. Peter Serafinawotsit has been fun, especially 'Gravies of the Ancients' which had me giggling lots but Vivienne Vyle was awful. Well the first ep just wasn't funny at all so I didn't bother watching any of the rest of it. It hasn't stopped me booking tix to see French & Saunders on tour next year though.

I went to KT Tunstall's gig at the Apollo in Manch the other week and it was excellent. No surprise there then. I think the entire lesbian population of Manchester was there. Some cuties included. Last night I went to see the Nunkie Theatre Company's MR James thang at the Bury Met. Just the thing for Halloween, having a chap dressed as James in victorian costume telling a couple of his spooky stories. Very very atmospheric and creepy. Fab. I love MR James stories. I really must join the Facebook group.

Oh yeah that's another thing I've been doing. Whoring myself on Facebook. Its amazing how many people I haven't seen for years have turned up on there. Its yet another reason for me to avoid doing my CV.

Just like posting on my blog really.

The Sensual World

2007-10-17T21:29:00.001+01:00

Is this what she was doing in the twenty-odd years since she last produced an album?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7045772.stm

Meat and two veg

2007-10-17T21:00:00.001+01:00

Dear BBC,

I am horrified that you saw fit to broadcast a programme before the watershed featuring a presenter who clearly had all the requisite bits and bobs on his body. No amount of reinforced gusset was enough to disguise the manly bulge as I paused the Sky + and pushed my nose up against the screen. How dare you show such filth.

As if Points of View wasn't enough, whilst watching the six o clock news it was readily apparent that Natashy Kaplinsky was in full possession of a pair of breasts under her neatly tailored blouse. And as for John Craven on Countryfile, well, I've never seen such a brazen display of buttocks under his corderoy trousers.

I demand that any people that are featured in your programmes immediately have their sexual organs removed, lest our children be sullied by the knowledge that our hallowed TV presenters are anatomically correct.

Yours,

Concerned of Chiswick

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/a77842/wogan-responds-to-bulge-complaints.html

iLife

2007-10-07T22:24:00.001+01:00

Can I get one of these online?

Half of this weekend I've spent uploading lots of lovely things to my new ipod. I still can't get over being able to watch videos on it as well as listen to a helluva lot of music. I'm sure that one of these days the novelty will wear off but still... The first one I uploaded was the rather fabulous 'Lovestoned' by Justin Timberlake. I know its just computer jiggery pokery but I think its amazing. Its all sound waves/graphic equalizer looking stuff. And the song is rather catchy too. I'm a tad disappointed by iTunes though. There seems to be a lack of Beatles stuff... unless I'm just not looking in the right place. I've got most of the hits on a few compilations but I'm after Hey Bulldog which is on the Yellow Submarine album. And I'd rather just get that one track than buy the whole thing. I'm even more disappointed by the music videos section. Some of my favourite (and the most iconic) vids aren't on there. Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice, Just and Street Spirit by Radiohead, Outside by George Michael, Confide in Me by Kylie Minogue... not there. There is a way you can request them though which is what I'll do at some point. Oh well.

Once again I'm spending time online when there's other stuff I should be doing. There's ironing which has been sitting there for nigh on two weeks now. God I hate ironing.

Oh and I've handed in my notice at work. Just thought I'd drop that one in. I just can't be there any more, and I'm fed up of being depressed all the time. My boss has been such a sweetie about it. Its making it all the harder to go. God I'm going to miss her. *sigh*

Splurge

2007-09-29T14:12:00.001+01:00

I've gone and done it. Finally.

I've joined the ipod generation.

Actually I'd already had a trial membership since my last birthday when my bro gave me his ipod shuffle but now I'm a fully fledged member. Or I will be when it arrives in the post. Ohmygod. Its a silver 80gb ipod classic or somesuch. Nice.

Even nicer now that we've got internet access at home again. Woo hoo! Now I can access all those por... er.... sci fi fan sites I've been missing. Oh yes.

And I've bought a new winter coat. Sainsbugs had 25% off all womens clothing so I bought an almost military style coat, a nice white jumper and a blue t-shirt with a gold pattern on it. Not that I need any more clothes... I'm worrying slightly that I'm using shopping as an emotional crutch lately. Work has been really shit for a while now. Give a bitch a bit of power and she'll turn into a c**t. I hate it and its been making me very depressed. (I must point out that this isn't the same boss who I fancy the arse off and who is completely lovely. No this other one is a complete dog who's obviously lacking alot in her personal life.)

Still its the weekend now and I've got a day and a half before I have to be back there again. *sigh*

Life, eh?

Naughty

2007-09-13T13:16:00.001+01:00

Ooh, sneaking on at work. Its been so long since I posted here that I'd almost forgotten *how* to log on.

We've had no net access at home yet again. This time its not our PC that's futzed thank god. There was a car crash outside the house about 3 weeks ago that took out the telephone pole so we've had no phone or internet since then. We've chased it up with BT but they say they need to close the road to put it back up. This actually makes sense considering where the house is. And I know vaguely of such things due to work. Unfortunately one of the neighbours has been in touch with a local paper who came out to take piccies the other evening. Bro went out to join them and was apparently told to 'look grumpy'. Like that's a stretch... :) Only kidding.

Damn, there's oodles of stuff that's happened but I can't remember any of it.

I finally bowed to peer pressure and joined Facebook. One of my mates said that considering how long I resisted its quite funny that now I'm a bit of a Facebook whore. He said I've got 68 friends which can't be right. I've got quite a few and apart from one who I confirmed today I've actually met them all. They're not random strangers anyway. I didn't think I had 68 though. Must check. I tend to ignore alot of the applications though. Nothing personal against any of my mates but I can't fathom most of them and the ones I've got are taking up so much time/space already.

Work has been very much up and down lately and I've been flitting between offices which has been a bit of a pain. More on that story later. Sometime when I'm not likely to have someone looking over my shoulder.

In fact I'd better not push it now and sign off for the time being. I have actually got some work to do...

Vindicated

2007-08-14T13:11:00.001+01:00

I've expressed an opinion a few times now (not on here) that Sarah Kennedy drives me up the bloody wall with her morning radio show. In fact on Saturday on the way up to a friend's party I said as much to Jason who said he thought she was dotty but lovely. How amused was I this morning when I heard about this ?

So several listeners today have been prompted to complain about Sarah's slurring stumbling speech patterns yesterday. What I want to know is HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER FECKING DAY???!!!

I could happily rant for hours to anyone who will listen about SK. And yet I still have her show on first thing in the morning when I get up. I keep asking myself why. Why don't I tune to another station? I'm afraid I don't know. I do know that part of it is that I'm waiting for Terry Wogan to come on. I love Terry. Unfortunately I only get to listen to him for 15 minutes or so before I have to leave for work.

Oh well. Maybe one day I'll summon up the will to switch the daft old bat off.

Buggeration! (again)

2007-08-05T16:20:00.001+01:00

Home PC fucked again.

Shit.

Cooooool man!

2007-07-25T22:23:00.001+01:00

Oooh I've created an image of myself Simpsons stylee. How clever. If you want to do the same (of yourself not of me, silly) go to the Simpsons movie website where you can create your own avatar. Fab.

Whoooaa... here comes the flood!

2007-07-22T20:43:00.001+01:00

Oh what an adventure I've had this weekend. It was a friend's 40th which I'd arranged to go to on the train. Which wouldn't normally be a problem but he lives in a town in Oxfordshire and its one of the few places around there that isn't currently under water. I went down on Friday which turned out to be a big mistake. The Virgin train I was on got as far as Birmingham and then stopped. We weren't going any further. I had a brief moment of panic, thinking the worst that I wasn't going to make the party or that I was going to have to find somewhere to sleep for the night etc. Then I remembered that there was a Dr Who convention on in Brum that weekend and that several lovely people I knew were going to be there. The thought calmed me that even if I was stuck in Brum I at least had somewhere to go and kind people to look after me. Its only just occurred to me tonight that I also have a friend in Brum who would probably have put me up for the night. Ah well.

Anyway, as a few of us who were heading for Oxford milled about New St station there was an announcement that we could either get a train to London and another one from there to Oxford (good job we didn't as we'd have been just as stuck there) or we could get a train to Coventry where there were buses to Banbury. So we went to Coventry. Rail announcers being the lying bastards they are there were no buses to Banbury from Coventry. Not even a rail-replacement bus which would surely be the normal routine. We could get yet another train to Leamington though. And trains from Leamington to Banbury (and Oxford) were running ok. Oh wait, no we aren't going anywhere actually. Flooding around Leamington is too bad so we all pile off the train again. So we abandon trains altogether. About half a dozen of us congregated at the taxi rank to try and get transport to Banbury. Five or six fit into one cab which (as I pointed out) wasn't very logical since that would leave one or two of us to pay a full fare all the way while the other lot would split a bill 5 ways at least. So one sensible chap got out again. The others decided they didn't give a shit though so off they went. I volunteered to stay with the chap so he wouldn't have to foot the entire bill and he pottered off to try and find others who were going that way. No such luck until in a fit of bravado I shouted at the top of my lungs for anyone who was going to Banbury. Suddenly there was a flood (ha ha) of interest and four others joined us in squeezing into the cab. Cosy.

So there we were an hour later, still on the fringes of Coventry and stuck in traffic. We'd chatted on and off, discussed where we were going and how we were going to get there, how long it was likely to take etc. We passed a tree that'd fallen onto the by-pass and various areas of flooded motorway. Another cab drew alongside full of people who were going to Oxford. One lady decided to make a run for it and she hopped into the Oxford cab with the assistance of our driver. Another hour and a half and we were playing a silly game where we had to name films that began with the letters of the alphabet. A girl who wanted to get to High Wycombe decided enough was enough and she popped out for a fag, valiantly jogging alongside as the cab crawled along at about 2 miles per hour. My bladder was beginning to make its presence known. The driver asked if we wanted to stop at Warwick services. Good job we said we could wait as it turned out that was where the problem was. The world and his fecking dog were queueing up to get into Warwick services. The millisecond we got past the slip road we were off and away at a rate of knots. There was a slight delay further on but we got through that relatively quickly.

Sooo. Banbury station then. And trains were running. Half of us dashed off for the loo then returned for hasty goodbyes and good lucks. The train for Oxford was due in 15 minutes. Paul, who had tried to make it from Faringdon to Banbury to pick me up and failed, made another attempt to get to Oxford. The road from his place to Oxford was bisected by a flood which had proved impossible to get through. The train was late and I looked at the info board to find that my train had disappeared off it. Oh shit. Looks like I'm in Banbury for the night. Then lo and behold there was an announcement and the Oxford train appeared. Hurrah! Many many flooded fields were passed on the way. Many many. I got to Oxford. Ten minutes later and Paul arrived. We sped off toward Faringdon and the flooded roundabout which we forded without too much trouble.

I checked into my B&B which from the outside looked like a relic from Scooby Doo or the Hammer House of Horror series but which was brightly lit and normal on the inside if a little old fashioned. And then I trotted off to the pub next door for some much needed sweet sweet beer with Paul and Caroline. Bliss. I was so bloody grateful to be there I bought a largish round in.

I'd planned to pop back into Oxford the next day to get some stuff but after looking round Faringdon I found what I needed very easily so I didn't bother going. I went and chilled back in the B&B, had a snooze, read the paper, watched the BBC news and went to meet P&C at the coffee shop across the road for coffee and cake. Mmmmm. Apple Cake. Soft and moist and apply, cinnamonny mmmmm. Had a bit of a look round the very picturesque church and then a long walk to the folly which was closed & back to the B&B again for more chilling and snoozing and showering. Party was utterly fab. Lots of people there who I'd not seen for ages. Live music, free thai curry, more sweet sweet beer and a very silly game with After Eight mints where you put a mint on your forehead and have to get it into your mouth without touching it - only using facial muscles. Mine ended up on the floor. Everyone had lovely streaks of brown down their faces. Funny as fuck.

Lots of us then crammed into P&Cs flat for more booze but by then I'd had enough alcohol and just wanted to chill out and chat. I had a lovely long conversation with Penny who I haven't seen for about three years (and also joined by Steve and Bob) and we gabbed about John Barrowman in panto, actors staying to sign autographs after shows, our shared love of Dempsey and Makepeace and about Cagney and Lacey on the Graham Norton show. Ah but then it was all over and we made our way back to our hotels/B&Bs, narrowly avoiding a domestic nearby.

A final brunch at the coffee shop next day and that was it. I didn't bother trying to get the train and begged a lift from Bob. Thanks Bob.

Big thanks to Paul and Caroline who looked after me over the weekend and who hosted a marvellous party.

Birfday

2007-07-09T21:28:00.001+01:00

It was my birthday yesterday. I'm the ripe old age of 36 and I've still got all me own teeth. I inherited an ipod shuffle which I've been faffing about with this evening. I was also given a pair of 'top range' headphones which I'm slightly less impressed with. They're in-ear ones which take some getting used to and at first I must've had them inserted wrong as the music sounded like it was coming from the inside of a tin can. I tried the phones that came with the ipod and they sounded alot better. That can't be right surely. I've heard that ipod phones are supposed to be shite. So I faffed around a bit more, changed a few bits on the new phones and inserted them correctly and they seem to be ok now except for a background hiss. WTF! I might as well dig out my old Sony Walkman and a few cassettes & listen to them. Oh well. Mustn't complain & seem like an ungrateful bitch.

Birthday was really quite shite for reasons that I don't want to go into. It would've been really nice if it wasn't for someone being a complete & utter arsehole. As usual. I long for the day when I can go out for a meal/lunch/day out without this person being a twat at some point but sadly I don't think that's ever going to happen.

Still, I've got a lovely meet up with some genuinely lovely people on Saturday to look forward to so I'll make up for it then & have a whale of a time. My birthday can be a week late this year.

It doesn't help that I'm a bit bereft this week. No new Dr Who to look forward to (or enjoy slagging off like the last two eps - peee-ew!) and no new CSI: Las Vegas. *sigh* I've rediscovered Frasier lately though, thanks to repeats on the Paramount Comedy channel. Such repetitive, annoying trailers in the ad breaks though. Oh look its a trailer for Grumpy Old Men/Women.... five seconds later... oh yeah here we go, Everybody Loves Raymond..... a minute later Rules of Engagement and Two and a Half Men.... ooh never seen that before.

Berrycosmotastic

2007-06-27T21:45:00.001+01:00

I think I'm turning into a lush. All because I've discovered the delights of the raspberry cosmopolitan. Lately, in fact almost every night I've been making myself one or two. I'm sipping my second right now actually. And I'm not entirely sober. My version is;

1 shot Absolut Raspberri
1/2 shot Cointreau
1/2 shot lime juice
1 shot M&S Raspberry & Cranberry juice
Ice & a slice

Its delish. Try it. (eclair optional btw)

I discovered it in the Grand Cafe in Oxford last week. Me, my mum & bro went on a short break to take in the pubs... sorry culture. We had a bit of a troll round when we first got there as we had a couple of hours to spare until it was time to check into the hotel (Pear Tree Travelodge which was cheap but the Beaumont Guest House is rather lovely). So we went round the covered market which I've not been in before. Lots of interesting food stalls and jewellry shops as well as one cafe serving the most fabulous looking pies I ever did see. Then we had a snifter in the Turf Tavern which was full of oddly dressed students (I mean odder than usual) presumably celebrating graduation or something. Once we'd popped back to the hotel and had a brief snooze we went back to the Turf for its tempting looking scran. Only to find that they stopped serving food at 7.30! And we got there at 7.25. What kind of business is that? So we went to the Kings Arms instead which didn't have as fab a menu but by then we were starving so we'd eat anything.

Tuesday morning we headed out early and got a very nice breakfast at the Queens Lane Tea Rooms, had a gander round the gorgeous Botanical Gardens and a couple of colleges - Brasenose and Exeter which were stunning and gawped at the numerous film crew trucks and vans which I think may have been for the filming of His Dark Materials but I may be wrong. We then repaired to the Grand Cafe for a delicious high tea and cocktails. At £7 a pop they had to be good so thank god they were. And £12 for sandwiches, scones, tea and chocolates. Heavenly. I had the aforementioned Raspberry Cosmo, mum had a Kir Royale and bro had a Brandy Alexander which I had a sip of. Yum. We were then a bit stumped for evenings entertainment. Mum was up for the flicks but wanted to see Oceans 118 118 whereas I wanted to see Zodiac. By the time we'd decided what to do and had a drink or two in the Bird & Baby/Eagle & Child me & mum had no energy whatsoever and just wanted to go back and veg out in the hotel. Which, incidentally only had four channels on the telly. FOUR CHANNELS??? Not even Channel 5 so we could watch CSI. Bastards. So we stayed in the pub. And then moved to the Lamb & Flag across the road for another.

Next morning saw the usual brekkie at Queens Lane, a walk round Christ Church Meadow to the Thames then back into town so I could buy some silver jewellery and a quick tour round the Ashmolean museum. Very fine Greek/Roman/Egyptian exhibits which I took lots of pics of and we saw some art upstairs but didn't have much time until our train home so we had to cut it short. So all in all we had a good time. There was the usual bickering between mum & bro. How delightful. Maybe one of these days we can actually go somewhere without them spoiling it but I won't hold my breath. Weather was fabulous despite the doom and gloom forecast and my alcoholism is coming along nicely thankyou. I've just polished off my second rasp cosmo and am as drunk as a skunk and finding it increasingly difficult to type coherently.

Saw Zodiac the other day btw. Fab film but there was one bit I didn't quite follow. There's one bit where Jake Gyllenhall visits a chap who supposedly knows who the Zodiac killer is. But it turns out a vital bit of evidence was from the chap he was visiting. Cue a very jumpy Jake getting the fuck out of there.... ah so it looks like its him then...? Er, no. He's completely forgotten and we move on to someone else. Wha?

Is it me?

Happy dance

2007-06-06T21:38:00.002+01:00

KT Tunstall has announced her next UK tour for October and November this year. Tix are available thru her fan site or on general release at 9am this Friday.

Yeeee haaarrrgghhh!

Bees knees

2007-06-04T16:33:00.000+01:00

Oh the humanity! Or the, er, bee-anity?!

Yesterday I opened my bedroom window to let some air in, it being a nice day an' all. When I returned to my room a few hours later an errant bee was sat waiting for me on my windowsill. Ever the animal lover I decided to rescue the bee and gently coaxed it onto the side of a box lid to then flap it gently at the open window to get it to fly out. Only to see it fly straight into the side of next door's extension and into a spiders web. Feeling incredibly guilty I stood at the window with my hand to my mouth willing the bee to escape, which it did. It then plummeted to the ground faster than Jade Goody's popularity within the muslim community.

Did I do more harm than good rescuing it like that? Would I have been better leaving it in the relative safety of my bedroom? Or had I discovered the Frank Spencer of the bee world and nothing I could have done would've helped? Who knows.

And while we're on the subject, who decided bees knees were so bloody great anyway?

Love and hate (and monsters)

2007-06-02T21:33:00.000+01:00

Well, my mood today has been up and down like a whore's drawers. But then that's what its been like for a few months, god bless hormones. Been shopping and mooching around Manchester today and for most of the time felt strangely elated. Full of the joys of the world. Didn't let setbacks get me down, shared the love with complete strangers and all that. Not in a saucy way just being, oh I don't know, nice... charitable. Not that I'm nasty the rest of the time or anything. Bought some pretty undies and some nice pyjama type things that I'm wearing right now from M&S, had a nice healthy lunch at Caffe Nero and later an iced mocha and piece of cake at Starbucks and didn't let the fact that my order at SBs was missed and I was waiting a long time get me down. No sirree. But suddenly on the bus home my thoughts turned to love and a certain person in my life who's been mentioned here before. And I got a bit maudlin and emotional. Why do I always fall for unavailable women? I really wish I knew the answer to that. I'm sure I read something a few months ago that made sense. Probably something on Outpost Gallifrey... they're an insightful lot they are. Something to do with it being safe falling for someone unavailable... bah, I'll go back and find the post. I can honestly say I love her. I'm not sure I'm in love with her.... is it possible to be borderline between the two? A big part of that is that I'm suppressing my feelings as much as I can for fear of getting hurt. Been there a few times and its bloody shite.

Uh, anyway the result of that today has been that I texted a psychic hotline type thing. Yes, yes... foolhardy I know but I went into it with my eyes open. Well, slightly hooded maybe. I knew that I may be wasting my money on a load of old bollocks but I thought that even if the 'psychic' wasn't psychic at all they may be insightful enough to offer some advice or at least some comfort. First question was, "Does X feel the same way about me as I do about her?" (gave her full name in the text btw). The answer was that she was 'interested' so why not make a move & tell her how I feel? Oooh risky business that. I've done that before & it didn't turn out well. Second question, "Is she attracted to me sexually?", answer that there's a chemistry there and she (X - not the psychic) feels this quite strongly. I'm not sure if its wishful thinking on my part but yes, there is some chemistry between us. Next question - the biggie, "Are we destined to be together?". Answer - I must be patient, if I want a future with her I can steer it that way gradually. Do I see that its possible for me to get what I want and that I'm being guided by my spirit guide? Hmm not sure about that one. I've kind of got that feeling anyway but again there's the self doubt that its just wishful thinking. I decided to test the psychic a little, I asked if my spirit guide had a name. I've read before how you're supposed to ask and I think I know - I wanted to see if he/she came up with the same answer. Crafty bugger said that I had to find that out for myself. Ah well. I thanked him/her and that was it. On a final, positive note I'm glad that he/she didn't then reply again and left it at that. Now they could have sent me another message which I would have been charged for but they didn't. Interesting. It remains to be seen if I get text spammed from now on.

In other news I made a bit of a big decision last week. I mentioned some time ago that I was unhappy with a particular 'friend' who'd been making racist and homophobic comments. I finally decided not to be in their company anymore - that I had more self respect than that. I didn't make a fuss, didn't confront them or anything, just left quietly. I wasn't sure if that was a cowardly thing or not, not telling them how I felt but that was what I wanted to do at the time. No mess, no fuss, no bother. Another friend later told me that they'd said I stormed off in a huff. Well, if that wasn't an indication that I'd made the right decision then I don't know what was. How pathetic. To blatantly lie like that, overdramatise something that they didn't even witness (they'd gone to the bar at the time - I left before they came back)... how utterly utterly childish. Not sure what it says of me that I was more annoyed by that than by the original comments. Hey ho.

And no I don't care that they might read this. Or that mutual friends may read this. If you can't stand the heat...don't be a bigoted twat. Not even in jest.

And on a last positive note, Dr Who tonight was fucking superb. I shed a little tear at the end and I don't get emotional about telly on the whole. The last time I got teary over Dr Who was at the ending of 'Girl in the Fireplace'. I didn't even cry at the Sarah Jane episode. Hats off to you Mr Cornell and a bloody big Ascot stylee hat off to Jessica Hynes who was also absolutely fucking superb. A star in the ascendant there.

Most flaunted

2007-05-23T21:27:00.000+01:00

This evening I have taken the plunge and entered the Tate's 'How We Are Now' photography competition (sort of). Basically the Tate in conjunction with Flickr are running an exhibition which will include ordinary joe public's photographs. One can upload up to 4 pix to the group in the categories Landscape, Portrait, Documentary and Still Life and they will pick the best 40 to be included in the exhibition. All very exciting isn't it. I probably don't stand a chance, there are hundreds of outstanding photos on there. At least I can say I've tried anyway and its nice to be inspired by other folks' art. I'm hoping to enter the Countryfile photography competition this year too. I've been meaning to do it for a while. This year's title/category is 'All Creatures Great and Small' and so far I've taken some very mediocre shots of the deer in Tatton Park and a bee on a flower (which is in my mum's urban garden so doesn't count). It'd be nice to do something original. There is a llama farmer on the other side of Bolton but its not really a rural location and one of the rules is that the pics are of the countryside. Ah well. I've got a few months to get inspired yet.

In other news I participated in more art recently, this time a production of Adrian Mole: The Musical. Sadly I wasn't singing and you could have blinked and missed me but it was all good fun and lots of people said it was the best thing they'd ever seen us do. Fab. Saturday night saw the usual drunken party shenanigans you get after the plays are over. This time a few of us were in there until 5am! Boy, I haven't done that in a long time. I thought I was past it. We were having such deep and meaningful discussions though that we didn't notice the time. Talks about sexuality, paranoia, depression. It was better than it sounds, honest. I came out to one of the other women but it turned out she knew anyway. Someone had blabbed. She was ever so lovely and gave me a big hug. Then got a bit flirty. God I love it when that happens. Midway through the evening we took it upon ourselves to go ghost hunting in the theatre. A few of us have had spooky experiences there and one chap's photos the other week came back with orbs on. I took a few pix but only a couple came out with orbs and there was nothing else untoward on them. We even sat in the dark and called out to the ghost to communicate with us but to no avail.

It was so surreal leaving the theatre to a beautiful, sunny though chilly morning with no-one else in sight. Just the sound of the birds singing. Lovely. Such a far cry from the chav haven it usually is.

Springtime for Hitler

2007-05-13T22:35:00.000+01:00

Ooh I should be getting myself ready for bed. Work in the morning...

Went to see The Producers on Friday. Which was fab. Peter Kay was very good - he looked great in that silver dress. I'd been told he was getting very self-indulgent in the show, launching into his own routine, breaking the fourth wall etc. He did a little bit but it wasn't too bad and a couple of the other cast members were joining in too. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I must watch the film now.

Spent a ludicrous amount of money this weekend what with the show tix, hotel room, a ticket for the Who exhibition (which has new exhibits) beer and food and rather too many cds and dvds. I bought;

CDs

Green Day - American Idiot (which I'd already borrowed from my bro once and liked)
The Clash - Singles (which I haven't been grabbed by really apart from the more well-known tracks like I Fought the Law and London Calling)
Muse - Showbiz (ok so far but not falling for it yet)
Hayseed Dixie - Let There Be Rockgrass (not heard it yet)
and a talking book - The Weirdstone of Brisingamen read by Philip Madoc (one of my favourite books of all time).

DVDs;

Abigail's Party (been wanting to see it for ages)
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (damn fine film)
Grease special edition type thing (been after such an item for quite a while now)

Saturday afternoon was spent in the Who exhibition again, this time with friends. Much fun was had having our pics taken with Judoon and the like. Then we went to the pub and pretty much stayed there for the rest of the night. And what an eventful night it was. One particularly clueless lad brought a new friend - a 16 year old boy. Fuckwit. Not a problem shopping and round the exhibition but very definitely a problem in a pub with a bunch of 20 and 30somethings who just want to relax and have a laugh not spend their time babysitting and persuading said child that he really does need to go home, no they won't buy him any alcohol and no he most definitely can't stay over with one of them. Now I wasn't a saint when I was 16 and kids these days no doubt get up to worse but at least when I got up to no good it was with kids my own age not law abiding adults who could potentially get in deep shit for having me with them. Am I overreacting? Maybe. Am I being selfish in worrying about us and our reputations? Probably. Not that I wanted to see anything bad happen to him or for him to get stranded or in trouble or anything. We know we're nice people and responsible and not dodgy paedos or anything but his parents don't know us from Adam and didn't even know he was with us. I'm not a mother but I can imagine what his mum would be thinking. And she's the same age as me apparently. I really resented having to act like a mum and tell him in no uncertain terms that it was time for him to go home and he shouldn't be with us anyway. Thank god someone else volunteered to take him to the train station and then someone else had a little conversation with our 'friend' telling him that hanging around with 16 year olds didn't look very good. Clueless twat.

You can't get a man with a gun.

2007-04-29T16:20:00.000+01:00

But give me an Ak-47 and I'll have a damn good try. *tee hee*

This week I have been mostly fucking knackered doing my day job and working in the evenings on a production of Annie Get Your Gun. Tiring and boring seeing the same musical again and again (8 times in total) but we found fun where we could, making rude jokes and finding innuendo in the script wherever possible. So we've discovered a new euphemism for masturbation, "Tossing an expensive wing-ding." talked at length about that "Swollen-headed stiff." and cheered when Annie blew the head off a cock. I never knew musicals were so naughty.

I've always got AGYG confused with Calamity Jane, thinking they were pretty much the same. Not so. Annie is based on the true story of Annie Oakley who toured with Frank Butler and Buffalo Bill with a wild west show round the US and Europe. Whoever wrote the musical took some artistic licence though. In the show Annie is discovered, meets Frank, gets roped in to Buffalo Bill's show, vies with Frank for top billing but everything ends with them equal. In reality Annie and Frank were already married before they met BB and Frank ended up as Annie's assistant and manager.

Calamity Jane is a whole different kettle of fish. CJ basically journeys from one side of the US to the other to pick up a famous actress & take her back home only to pick up the wrong woman who then steals Annie's man from her. In a nutshell anyway. So now you know.

I'm going to be singing the songs for weeks. By far my favourite song was the title of this post. A catchy ditty which I can see myself singing in karaoke eventually. Or at least attempting to.

I've just about recovered now, catching up on sleep and spending my spare time catching up on various programmes I've Sky+ed recently. I'm still enjoying Ugly Betty immensely and there's plenty of totty for me to admire. The actress who plays the bitchy Amanda, Rebecca Romjin (or whatever her name is), Lucy Liu, Salma Hayek and Gina Gershon is fab as Fabia. I'm even thinking Ashley Jensen is quite cute. But then I've been watching Primeval and enjoying the sight of Hannah Spearit in her pants. Is that wrong?

Its ass whooping time!

2007-04-15T18:46:00.000+01:00

Last night I was in the pub in Manchester. Having a lovely time with friends, drinking, flirting, having a laugh. I'd been there since 5pm. Sometime after 7.30 I got a text from an old aquaintance. Someone I haven't seen in years but who tends to send me the odd text message here and there. Odd being exactly how I'd describe his texts sometimes but I digress. Now, to be fair there wasn't any way he'd have known I was in the pub and not at home watching telly. More specifically, not watching the newest episode of Doctor Who.

It was only one word but it filled me with rage. It was a word that AFAIK can only be associated with Who, being the name of a very old monster. Did I tell you I was avoiding spoilers? More importantly did I tell him? I was livid. I threatened his life. He tried to brush it off and claim he was just giving clues but I've read something in the Radio Times today that I think confirms what he said. I still haven't watched the episode yet. I got home late last night and had to be up early this morning to go to a family christening. And since I got home from the christening I've been up here surfing the net, avoiding sites where I know I'll be spoilered and avoiding my brother who is downstairs watching the telly with a stinking cold. Trouble is I've recorded DW on the Sky+ downstairs so unless I can get my hands on some sort of plastic quarantine tent pronto I'm probably not going to watch the ep tonight. Which means the aquaintance has another day's grace before I find him and kill him.

Sunny days

2007-04-08T18:21:00.000+01:00

Oh what lovely sunny weather we're having this Easter weekend. Lovely. So why have I spent most of my time sitting on my fat arse at home instead of getting out there? Bah! I haven't done much, maybe a bit of shopping here and there but mostly eating and watching tv. Yesterday I took a scenic ride on the bus to Bury. Very nice views and rural locations some of the time. Today I went into Bolton but it was all closed apart from Caffe Nero so I just popped in for a piece of chocolate zabaglione and an iced chocolate frappuccino thing. Tomorrow I'm off out proper though. Planning on going to Hoghton Tower near Blackburn which should be good if it isn't full of kids or anything.

Work is shit. I've had the most stressful week ever. Two of the younger girls are now taking all my calls which should make my life easier but I'm actually getting more stressed checking what they're doing and correcting their mistakes. And keeping track of everything is a nightmare. Oh and thanks to the useless gets who are supposed to keep an eye on the lads on site its getting worse. My boss thinks the solution is for me to basically do one particular blokes job for him. Bless her, I know she's only trying to find ways to make it go more smoothly but I don't think that's the way to do it. The whole thing reduced me to tears and on more than one occasion I had to really fight the urge to tell them all to fuck off and walk out of there forever. So I'm really looking forward to going in on Tuesday.

Last weekend was the opening of the Dr Who Up Close exhibition in Manchester. I toyed with the idea of going first thing on the day it opened but ended up getting there at 4pm. It was virtually empty. Just me, a small group of geeky lads and a couple of families. Its a pretty good exhibition but very short. Or maybe its just me? I often find that if I go to exhibitions/museums/galleries on my own I go through them pretty quickly, not bothering to spend time reading the info boards/cards other than a cursory glance to see what they are. I'm not really sure why that is. A lack of patience? A short attention span? It took me about 10-15 minutes to get through the Who exhibition. And whiletaking pictures too. Maybe I'll take longer next time as I'm bound to be with someone else. Or maybe I'll end up way ahead of them tapping my foot and looking at my watch impatiently? *shrug*

I also spent some of my time that day taking more pics of Manchester. This time taking macro shots of flowers and pics of architectural details on various buildings. They've turned out a bit shit really. I really need to take a tripod with me next time. I'm always conscious that people are looking at me though. Like I'm some sort of weirdo taking pics of buildings. I know its more likely they couldn't give a toss what I'm doing but I still can't help feeling self-conscious. I think it stems from an incident at Uni. I was taking a picture of a tree in Leicester one afternoon, experimenting with black & white film & one of two besuited blokes passing by made some sarky comment at me. What the fuck it had to do with him I've no idea. I wasn't getting in anyone's way or doing anything weird or offensive or trespassing. Just taking a fucking photo. Why are some people such utter utter c*nts? Why do they feel they're qualified to judge everyone else? Why do they think they're fucking better than everyone else? Sad twats. Well, the photo turned out really well anyway. In my opinion one of the best I've ever taken. So screw you business man.

She's gone

2007-03-28T20:15:00.001+01:00

Hurrah! And strangely enough she didn't seem to care one bit. Unfortunately my boss is the one who feels guilty and stressed out about it. Its her first sacking, bless her. A few of us have been trying our damnedest to reassure her that its ok, not her fault and doesn't make her a bad person but she still feels like shit. The urge to give her a big hug was almost unbearable.

I found the weirdopsychobitch's Myspace page btw. She calls herself Maurice; and there *are* pictures on there of a lad shoving things up his bum. The mind boggles.

Talking of boggling, when I got home there was a wasp in my bedroom. Now where the fuck did that come from?

Can of Raid sorted it. You can tell I'm not a Buddhist can't you?

5 days to go

2007-03-26T22:37:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure what I'm more excited about. The new series of Dr Who or the exhibition opening in Manchester this weekend.

Funky things happening at work. I'm starting New Things. I'm not sure exactly what it entails but I've been wanting to move into this stuff for a little while because the stuff I've been doing for a year is fucking doing my head in. Two people who were really good and on the ball and who wanted to get the stuff done right and on time with the minimum hassle have either left or gone to do other things in the company. So I'm left with a couple of people who are crap, clueless and think that doing what's just about good enough for them with little effort is what's good for the job as a whole. WRONG! One of the chaps did a job early, without checking that it was ok to do so. It wasn't. He was asked to ring the council and sort it out. He didn't. He thinks that just getting the job done very quickly so that no-one figures out that we were there is good enough. It isn't. Its still fucked up. Twat.

Anyway, New Things. A step closer to not working with that particular clueless lazy twat again. Hurrah! I go to my first council meeting tomorrow. Well, not my first. I did something similar for another company a couple of years ago and that involved much the same thing. And I think I went to one meeting with the local council then. At least I get to go out of the office with my hottie boss.

And so to the bundle of random psychotic weirdness that is L. She's only been with us a month and has caused no end of trouble. 16 years old and with an attitude that'd make Gaddaffi weep. Lets teach L to do something. Lets then watch L fuck it up. Then try teaching her all over again the next day because she swears she wasn't taught how to do it in the first place. Repeat ad nauseum for a month. Oh she's ever so quiet and mousy but she's got that glint in her eye that Denis Nielsen had when he spied a tasty looking lad. No matter how many times our boss (or anyone else for that matter) tells her not to spend her day pissing about on MSN messenger/listening to her ipod/chatting with her mates on the phone that customers ring in on/writing her memoirs in a yellow diary/writing messages from the devil on post-it notes, next day she'll just be doing it again. And again. And again. After much tutting, huffing and looks so dirty they'd make Christina Aguilera blush of course. Apparently she's even more bizarre out of work. Hurling abuse at strangers in the street and college tutors, slagging off everyone in the office and by all accounts her Myspace page is a shrine to scat.

Never mind, they're sacking her on Wednesday.

I shall be hiding all sharp implements and refreshing my kick boxing skills in preparation. Just in case.

What a cock up!

2007-03-17T23:32:00.000Z

So Scooch won then. Much as I liked them and thought they were funny I think our chances of winning Eurovision this year are shot. Yes I know I gave them douze points before but in the end I voted for Cyndi. I think our camp period is going to be over this year. We've had far too many silly winners now and I think the voting will now go in favour of something more serious and earnest. And by the looks of the clips on tonights programme, most of the other entrants are going Camp Factor 9 this year too. I was willing to put money on Cyndi winning for us this time round too. Ah well.

But what a fuck up at the end. I'm sure they both announced Cyndi as winner (though some others thought it was just Terry). I was really pleased. Turned out they made a balls up and she didn't win after all. Poor girl.

I demand a recount!

Good evening Bolton. Can we have your votes please?

2007-03-17T21:01:00.000Z

Liz - Nice little poppy song, lyrics a bit bland but quite catchy. Reminded me of Dusty Springfield a bit. What the fuck was she wearing though? 7 points (sept points)

Brian - Oh dear. Good song but as Captain Jack said it was pitched too high for him. It'd be Gemini all over again. 2 points (deux points)

Big Bruvaz - Great song, the girls had fantastic voices. I was surprised at how much I liked it. Don't think its a Eurovision song though, sorry. 8 points (ouit points)

Cyndi - A bit flat to start with but it soon picked up. Nice power ballad. I'm not normally into such things but I can actually see this one winning for us. And Captain Jack had it right again. She might get us some French votes. 10 points (dix points)

Scooch - Fucking hilarious. Would you like something to suck for landing sir? 12 points (douze points)

Hawkins and Brown - Absolutely atrocious. Too shrill, tune all over the place. Awful! No points (nul points)

And that concludes the voting for the Bolton jury.

Oh, by the way, Mel G you're such a Eurovish geek. Love you. And your silly hat.

Monday pics of SF

2007-03-16T11:31:00.000Z

The Civic Centre

Japantown Peace Pagoda

Yerba Buena Gardens

San Fran #2

2007-03-16T11:11:00.000Z

Back to the tales of hols. I packed so much into that 5 days in SF I can't remember what I did and when. Thank god I sent an email to my mates on the last day saying what I'd been doing. I have to keep referring back to it.

Anyway.

Monday was my day for shopping but not until I'd visited a couple more touristy bits. My first stop was the Civic Centre. I just took a couple of pics and soaked up the atmos really. It was early morning so not many people were about which was nice. Then I ventured onto the Muni to go to Japantown. I'd been given a Muni map when I checked into the hotel but I still managed to miss my stop by miles. I had to walk back to Japantown once I'd figured out where I was and the area was the kind of place you see on CSI and other cop shows. The type where you get gunned down in the street. Nice. Still, I made it to Japantown in one piece and had a mooch round the mall. I think I picked the wrong time to go. It was nice but ever so quiet and there didn't seem to be much to it. So I got another Muni back into the centre of town to do my gift shopping. Not much to tell there as I didn't really do very much. Popped into Macys for something for my mum, looked round a couple of book shops, Virgin Megastore etc. Now where the hell did I have lunch? Pfft! No idea. I'd planned to go and watch a film that night so I went to the cinema nearby to find out what was on. And then I found the Yerba Buena gardens next door which were really lovely.

Once I'd gone back to my hotel to drop off my stuff and chill out I went out to find a Thai restaurant I'd seen advertised in one of my tourist guides. God what an experience that was. It was a bit rough around the edges and I had to walk through the dodgiest streets to get there. I kept getting approached by dodgy blokes on the street. I was so intimidated. It was then I felt really alone. What the fuck was I doing going on holiday by myself? At least the food was good. And very cheap. I had a discount voucher too but didn't have the heart to use it.

Thankfully I wandered a different route to the cinema so it was much less scary. And I saw The Pursuit of Happyness which was a great film. I hadn't realised it was set in SF before I went to see it so it ended up being a very appropriate film to watch. At least, when I came out of the cinema I'd calmed down alot and the locals were slightly less intimidating.

Misery loves company

2007-03-14T13:15:00.000Z

Am sat here at work feeling very sorry for myself. I've got a cold at the moment and my right ear is blocked and very painful. I can't hear properly, I feel like crap and the right side of my face hurts. Lets hope this Lemsip works.

Boo hoo! I want to go home.

2007-03-05T21:40:00.000Z

And the pix...

2007-03-05T21:34:00.000Z

Bored

2007-03-05T20:47:00.000Z

Gawd I'm bored. I've spent most of the day watching telly, catching up on eps of Ugly Betty, Primeval, Stargate: Atlantis and SG1, ER and the freakin sweet Family Guy. And now I've surfed most of the message boards I'm on. I've been putting off posting about my hols but I might as well do it now or I never will.

So. San Francisco.

Flight was pretty uneventful. Just about managed to rush myself through Paris customs where I was changing flights only to find the flight was delayed by two hours. Joy. Then we eventually flew to SF but back over the UK again. So why did I waste 4 or 5 hours going to Paris??? Not doing that again.

Got into SF on Saturday afternoon. Very disconcerting flying in over the bay, watching the water getting closer and closer, not being able to see land. But it did appear and we landed safely. In the pouring rain. I might as well have never left Manchester. I was knackered and greasy and icky so I negotiated the BART system, found my hotel and gratefully ran myself a shower only to slip mid-soaping and fall on my arse. I nearly came a cropper there and then. How I manged not to cry I'll never know. During the fall my ankle had twisted and I feared I'd done some damage to it. My arse and my side were also hurting like hell. I eventually managed to stand up and finish my shower to then lie/sit gingerly on the bed calming myself down and wincing every time I moved. The only thing I did manage to do that night was get dressed and find the nearest Dennys to recover with a much needed burger and a strawberry shake. I also discovered the locals. Druggies, hobos and neer do wells. Great! I should have guessed what sort of area I was in when I saw the adult cinema across the road.

Next morning I was very sore but not so much that I couldn't get down to breakfast (a sandwich thing with fresh juice and tea) in the Brazilian cafe attached to the hotel and wait for my pick up for the tour I was going on. Alcatraz and a deluxe city tour by coach. Alcatraz was fun. It was a gorgeous day and the place was packed. Its actually a rather beautiful place that's been turned into a nature reserve. I mooched around the souvenir shop first then made my way up the hill to the self-guided tour of the cells which was very interesting. I thought the place would be really spooky but it was so crowded and sunny that any atmosphere was lost. Shame. I got loads of great pics and took in the spectacular view of the city before it was time to make my way to the ferry and back to the pier where it was time for the second leg of the tour.

I found myself sitting next to a family from England, presumably Essex or thereabouts from their accents, and chatting amiably with the mother Avril. Very nice lady, giving me tips on what to do and where to go etc. First stop was the Golden Gate Bridge which took my breath away. It was definitely one of those pinch-me-I'm-dreaming moments. You wouldn't have thought a bridge could be exciting but to be somewhere so iconic - then you really know you're in San Francisco. Next we toured through some pretty districts to reach Golden Gate Park where we stopped for the Japanese Tea Gardens or the De Young museum. I opted to just pick up my city pass from the De Young and grab something to eat from the cafe. I'd planned to go back later in the holiday anyway. A tour through more districts, this time some of the really wealthy areas to a place called Twin Peaks which had the most stunning views of the city. And thankfully a lack of horrific murders by a man named Bob. Back on the coach we made our way back through the Castro where we saw a group of men in wedding dresses crossing the road, and IIRC back through Chinatown and to Fishermans Wharf where I got off. Fishermans Wharf is a bit like Blackpool really. Full of tacky souvenir shops but good fun and I picked up pressies for the folks back home and did a bit of shopping for myself. I also found a Johnny Rockets diner which my brother had waxed lyrical about. Or more specifically the milkshakes. Well it was a nice milkshake but not quite as nice as the one I'd had at Dennys the night before and I didn't rate the food much really. I had these breaded chicken wings which were in some kind of weird sauce that I didn't much like the taste of and some onion rings that were a bit average. Finally I wandered down to the far end of the Wharf where the cable car turnaround was. A nice experience being on a cable car but it should really be done during the day I think to get the full effect. It was dark by the time I got on. And its fun trying not to slide down the length of the bench crashing into the person next to you as you go up and down hills. And that was it for the night. I retired back to my hotel to chill out, watch TV and get more sleep.

My friend Flikr

2007-02-24T16:06:00.001Z

I've started a Flickr account which at the mo is filled with various pics from SF and LA. Just go to Flickr & look for Jules_Maire.

Oh ok just a taster

2007-02-23T21:46:00.000Z

New name

2007-02-23T21:38:00.000Z

Helloooo! In honor of my recent hols across the pond I've decided to rename my blog to the above*. 'More on that story later...' as the Dead Ringers version of Kirsty Wark would say. Suffice it to say that I had a most excellent time and that I'm definitely going back once my finances have recovered. I haven't seen my credit card or mobile phone bills yet but I await them with trepidation. Oh and I've put on a few pounds thanks to the unending round of cooked breakfasts and burgers but hope to lose them again soon. I really must get back to that little diet plan I had a while back.

*Now do I change the blog address or leave it as it is? Hmmm. (any thoughts gratefully received)

Toodles!

2007-02-09T19:16:00.000Z

Ok I'm off. Flying to sunny (I hope) San Fran early tomorrow morning and getting up at dawn's crack. Actually, come to think of it, Dawn's crack won't even be a partly visible cleavage at the top of her hipster jeans at the time I'm getting up. Dawn's crack will be completely hidden in her Bridget Jones stylee knickers at 2am. *groan*

The things we suffer to travel the world, eh?

Although, its not like I'm heading into the deepest, darkest tracts of the Amazon is it so I'll probably get to an internet caff at some point and post something along the lines of "Woo hoo!".

One less worry

2007-02-07T21:25:00.000Z

The biggest, most pressing thing I was worrying about has gone. Hurrah. I was worried that I needed a Visa and hadn't arranged one but I'm ok. I knew that if my passport was machine-readable I was ok but how could I tell if it was? After a bit of a trawl on the net I found out that if the inside cover (where one's picture is) has a couple of lines of letters, numbers and chevrons at the bottom then it *is* MR. Phew. So now we know.

Had a bit of a rearrange of my packing tonight too. I won't go into details, I won't bore you to death, but I'm more or less done now I think. Just a bit of washing to do and a few bits to pack that can't really be done til the last minute.

And I've got a mission. Well, two actually. One is to bring back a particular chocolate bar, a Zagnut, and the other is to watch a mate of mine being interviewed and check he's slyly inserting certain song titles. Try saying that with a Zagnut in your mouth.

Note to self - must write lists.

Its never as bad as you think

2007-02-06T20:13:00.000Z

The play went well. Pretty much. Despite my anxiety I managed to get through almost the entire run without a hiccup. Apart from Friday night that is. We usually run from Tuesday to Saturday with plays but with this one, one of the cast couldn't do that Thursday so we did a Monday performance instead. You may be wondering what this has to do with the Friday show not going well. We think it was because we had that break on the Thursday. It interrupted our flow. I'm 99% sure that in all the plays I've done I've never, ever got a prompt during actual performances (a prompt is when you forget your line and the kind soul in the wings with the script has to give you the line). This show was the first time I've ever got one. It isn't good when it happens but I'm glad to say its not quite as horrifying as I imagined. And everyone was a bit pants that night. It wasn't just me. Good job the girls from work couldn't make it after all. They were supposed to come watching me that Friday but two of them were ill and the other two decided not to bother. I was fuming at the time but in retrospect it was probably for the better.

Work hasn't been quite as disastrous as I thought it would be either. A couple of times it wasn't going well but we got through it. Its actually been fairly quiet this last week or so. Phew.

I sometimes like (well 'like' is a bit of a strong term for it) to imagine the worst case scenario with things. That way when the shit hits the fan it can't be as worse as how you imagined. I'm not sure whether this is a conscious decision to worry myself stupid or purely automatic but it works.

Before I discovered travelling abroad all by myself I imagined lots of bad things. The least of which was the plane crashing. Losing my luggage, missing my flight, forgetting something really vital, getting stranded, having to cancel, losing large amounts of money etc. Some of which have actually happened. My luggage has gone awry two or three times now, albeit on the journey home and only between London and Manchester. I was rather late getting to Heathrow once and just made the departure gate in the nick of time. I made an error with a booking (actually it was an error on the website) and lost £500 despite me arguing with the company, consulting ABTA and trying the CAB who were shite. So while I'm not blase about travelling, I'm much less of a worry wort these days. I'm still nervous about this weekend though. On Saturday I fly to San Francisco, the first leg of my hols. I worry that the taxi won't arrive due to a mix up, that I'll have not got a Visa when I really need one (despite me having been *told* that I won't need one), that I'll miss the flight or that it'll be cancelled or delayed due to the weather, that I'll run out of money while I'm there (this did actually happen when I went to Sydney but it was pretty much the last day of my hol). The list is growing rapidly.

Tonight I've had a quick check of my documents and made sure I've got all my tickets, e-vouchers for the hotel, passport. I'm still in the process of packing where I'm just randomly throwing things in my case. At some point I'll take it all out again, matching various things up so that I've got some co-ordinating outfits and such. Oh there's just so much to do. And here I go worrying again.

Did I say I was getting calmer? I think I lied.

Mutter, grumble

2007-01-28T23:11:00.000Z

I've been trying to avoid signing up for this new upgraded blog but tonight it seems I've had no choice. Every time I tried to sign in to my old account it sent me back to the upgrade form. So here I am.

Just popping on to say hello really. I've been ever so busy the last couple of weeks, rehearsing for the play & whatnot. It starts tomorrow. I'm shitting myself. Its the biggest part I've ever done and its very wordy, full of exposition and a thriller so some bits of the dialogue are essential. Its also the first play in the new year which always has less rehearsal time than any other play due to the Xmas hols & stuff. I've got this huge (almost) monologue in the second half, which consists of me explaining events that led to something that is the crux of the whole play. I've been struggling so much with it. Thursday's rehearsal was the first time it went really well, almost flawless. And like I said, it starts tomorrow. Today's rehearsal wasn't so good for me personally. I almost completely lost it at one point. I think I'm at an age where my memory is starting to go. Not that I'm ancient or anything but I'm starting to feel like I don't remember things so well anymore. I've been taking these chewy vitamins with Omega 3 to help me along and it seems to be doing the trick slightly but, well, I've been doing alot of soul searching lately. I'm not entirely sure whether to give up the acting entirely and move to directing or maybe stick with it & just do small parts. I think I'd quite like to do more comedy. A really good silly character. I did a Vicky Wood sketch a while ago that I thoroughly enjoyed. We got such a huge raucous belly laugh from the audience. I loved it. I'd also love to do more musicals. I'd love to do Chicago or Grease or maybe Rocky. There's a local group who do exclusively musicals afaik. Oh and after watching Acorn Antiques I'd love to do that too. Decisions, decisions.

It'll have to wait a while anyway. I've got a small part in Adrian Mole the musical towards the end of spring/start of summer. Not a singing role unfortunately but at least I don't have pages and pages of dialogue to remember.

So. This is it. By the time I blog again we'll be half way through probably. Oh dear god I hope I get through this week. Work is going to be hell for the foreseeable future too. Long story but a bloke I work with who's really good at his job and who I rely on a fair bit is moving to a different job within the company and being temporarily replaced by someone who is utterly crap & clueless. But then after the next two weeks I won't give a shit as I'll be over the other side of the pond in sunny California. Bliss.

An ill wind

2007-01-18T21:04:00.000Z

Gosh what larks we've had in the portacabin today. Listening to the wind howling outside, listening to the reports of accidents and road closures, wondering whether the roof was going to be ripped off like the lid of a tin can. Fortunately we escaped unscathed and indeed, early. Due to the various road closures we were allowed to leave mid afternoon providing any urgent work was done. Hurrah! I didn't notice much damage on the journey home save for a couple of trees that had fallen in Little Hulton. I believe they narrowly missed a couple of chavs, it being one of the many chav ghettos in the area. Shame. Oh and what was the afternoon film on Five when I got home? Tornado. Oh how I laughed.

Home was ok by the way. No structural damage but I couldn't see our wheelie bin or recycling tub anywhere. Bro tells me they're in next door's drive sandwiched behind a car.

And finally, just to jump on the bandwagon, on to the debacle that is Big Brother. I am of course, righteously offended. I know I'm white and lower middle class so maybe my feelings don't count much but I do think it is absolutely disgusting. I mean, how many times *do* I have to look at Jade Goody's ugly fat gob flapping about on the telly?

Change my dear

2007-01-13T18:22:00.000Z

I think I've reached a point today where I'm committing myself to getting fit, losing weight and beig more healthy. I was sat eating lunch in a cafe today but feeling a bit dodgy. My heart was pounding even though I hadn't done any exercise or anything and I had a headache which got me worrying. My brother has had problems with high blood pressure for a couple of years and I got paranoid that I'd developed the same problem (he has a racing heartbeat and headaches if he doesn't take his beta blockers). I really don't want to go down the route of having the same health problems as him especially as he's recently been diagnosed diabetic too. I may just be being paranoid and stupid but at least its given me a kick up the bum. So instead of strolling around town this afternoon I tried to walk faster, getting my heart pumping in a good way and getting myself a little out of breath without pushing myself too hard. I only did five, maybe ten minutes but I feel a bit better for it even if it is only psychosematic. I'm trying to fix in my mind the way I feel right now (more positive and cheerful) so when I feel like I can't be bothered or I feel like giving up I can think back to how good the exercise makes me feel. If nothing else I'm hoping I'll be less stressed, moody and prone to mild depression.

Feeling inspired, I've written down a little list of commitments to myself, the most important of which (and possibly the hardest for me) are getting up earlier in the morning so I can eat a proper healthy breakfast and walking more every day.

I've also decided to;

Drink more water
Stay off the caffeine (I'd been happily off the caff for a few years until 18 months ago when I started on it again while at work. My withdrawal headaches on the weekends have been awful so over the Xmas holidays I managed to wean myself off again)
Drink one cup of green tea per day
Take one of my chewy multi vits & omega 3 per day
Eating more fresh food instead of ready meals (so eventually I won't need to take the multi vits)

Its only a start but its something. I think I've picked things I can fairly easily commit to without getting too down if I lapse occasionally.

Writing this here will help to keep me focussed I hope. It'll give me more of an incentive to keep going if other people know I'm doing it. I'm posting this in other places too. My reasoning is that the more places I post this, the more people I tell, the more committed I'll be and the more I'll stick to my plan. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Fly me to the moon

2007-01-10T21:45:00.000Z

Please. Had a rotten couple of days this week. This is going to seem so trivial to other people but I'm really pissed off with my family. We'd talked about going to see Casino Royale together, the three of us. Make a note of those words... TOGETHER.....THREE. I didn't hear anything more about it for a while then this Monday I was off work and it seems that Bro had forgotten I said I was off. He'd only gone and arranged with Mum to see CR on Monday. WHEN HE THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE AT WORK!!! Only he got caught out didn't he? So when he realised I wasn't in work he knocked on my bedroom door and said he and mum were going to see CR and did I want to come? I told him I wasn't ready (I'd just got out of the shower) and had things to do anyway. What a fucking pair of twats. They *knew* I wanted to go and see it with them and they arranged to go without me! C**ts.

If that was an isolated incident I would have said something to them and got over it but it really isn't. Its just the latest in a long, long list of c**ty things they've done to me. You kind of expect twelve year olds to do this to each other, but not adults FFS. What the fuck have I done to deserve that?

I got upset. Really upset. I know some of you reading this are going to think I'm being stupid but really this is only the tip of an iceberg that stretches back a few years. I think its more my Bro that's doing it actually. Especially since a simliar thing is happening with a couple of his mates. They used to occasionally invite me to stuff, just to the pub or if they were having a bit of a day out, not blokey nights or anything like that. Suddenly they've stopped inviting me to anything. I might see them if they come round here for a night in but that's it. Nothing's happened. There's been no row or anything, I still get on with them, they don't treat me any differently, there's no awkwardness as if I'd done or said anything to offend that I wasn't aware of. Just over. Not that I depend on them for a social life or anything. And they're his mates when all's said and done but WTF?

And various stuff with my mum, arranging for days out when he's off and I'm at work. Which wouldn't be a bother really, we all do stuff seperately from one of the others sometimes. But sometimes I've said I've wanted to go with them and I get fucking lame excuses. They arrange to go out on a day when I'm at work and say "Oh well, you were at work..." and so many times I've said. "Yes but if you let me know, I can book a day's holiday." and still they do it.

Once they actually let me go with them. I thought the world was going to implode. It didn't but mum spent the entire time doing this really fucking annoying thing where she sucks her teeth which she knows damn well fucking annoys me, presumably so that I'd have such a miserable fucking time that I wouldn't want to go with them again. (And no, she doesn't do it all the time - just when she wants rid of me. Does she really think I'm that fucking stupid?)

Even on the odd weekend away its the same thing. She'll ask what I want to do so I'll say something but then its "Oh well, you go and do that on your own & we'll do something else." Or, get this, a few years ago we arranged a trip to London for around my birthday and they wanted me to pick a show to watch. So I suggested a couple. They picked something completely different that I hadn't even expressed an interest in but which they wanted to watch. So what was the fucking point of asking me then? And sorry, who's birthday was it again?

And then there's restaurants. I'll be asked to suggest something but then nothing I suggest is good enough. There's always some reason why they don't want to go there. There's a post on here somewhere where I'm astounded that they agreed to go somewhere I picked & then actually liked it. I often feel that they'd rather I wasn't around. So they can be happy as larry together and all their problems will magically disappear because I won't be there to cause them. And alot of the time I feel like just fucking off and leaving them to it. If it weren't for a lack of money I'd have done it by now. I'm sure I'd be a saner, happier person for it.

Kerfuffle

2007-01-05T21:17:00.000Z

Late to the fray as usual, I've just discovered this site via Will's and read about the appalling treatment of the lady in question by a Sunday Times journalist by the name of Nicholas Hellen. If any of you folks who read my blog (all 4 of you ;) ) buy the Sunday Times or know someone that does could you please boycott? And if you know where NH lives could you please give him a good kick in the nadgers from me? Tosser.

Nicholas Hellen, yesterday.

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T00:30:00.000Z

Ooh, first post of 2007. Where has the time gone, eh?

Happy New Year everyone!

I raise my glass of Southern Comfort & lemonade to you all.

Just been watching a bit of the BBC coverage from the embankment which took me right back to the Minnellium (sic) when I was there with my chums watching the fireworks, sharing a bottle of champers and a spliff, kissing lots of strangers, boogieing the night away and wishing Celia Imrie a happy new year as I happened upon her and a friend on a back street. (they wished me one back, aw).

This year I couldn't be arsed going anywhere & forking out for a taxi back home so I'm here in the house listening to Boy George on Radio 2 and I've stuffed myself with so much junk I feel a bit nauseous. Next year I'm definitely making the effort to go somewhere to party. Staying at home sucks.

2006

2006-12-27T23:06:00.000Z

I didn't realise it had been so long since I'd posted.

Happy Christmas to everyone and in case I don't post again soon, happy new year.

Its been a fairly average year really with a couple of ups and downs. I'll have to have a look through my posts again but off the top of my head:

Ups

My new job which I started at the end of February. A welcome change from the absolute hell I was in at the time. The new people are mostly lovely especially my boss who I developed a major crush on after two months.

Booking my holiday for San Francisco and LA. Its been too long since I had a proper hol.

The works Xmas do at the ultra posh Hilton Hotel in Manchester.

Meeting the cast of Bad Girls even if the con itself was a bit shite.

Meeting some of my heroes at the Collectormania thing in Milton Keynes* especially Dempsey & Makepeace.

The trip to Cardiff to see filming locations for Dr Who and spotting the Tardis in someone's back garden, not realising until later that it was *the* Tardis.

The subsequent trip to Swansea for the Dr Who con but missing most of the con in favour of the lovely beach next door.

L & T's stag do in Blackpool and their Civil Partnership in Durham.

Paying off my student loan.

Acorn Antiques the Musical and meeting Victoria Wood

Assistant directing Educating Rita, it being a hit and my best mate winning a Bolton Evening News award for her role as Rita

Watching a footie match, paid for my work on corporate expenses and with my boss getting a bit girly and close with me. Mmmmmmm.

The birth of the Farrow babies.

Gigs - The marvellous KT Tunstall. (Dear god is that the only gig I've been to?)

Albums - Muse: Black Holes and Revelations, KT Tunstall: Acoustic Extravaganza and Keane: Under the Iron Sea.

TV - New Dr Who, Torchwood, so much CSI that I don't know what to do with it, more Bad Girls, the excellent Life on Mars, Lost.

Downs

The recent loss of a friend to kidney disease & heart problems, my best friend losing her mum to motor neurone disease and now another close friend has lost his dad to cancer. My thoughts and love are with them and their families.

My brother has been recently diagnosed diabetic and while he's started to get the idea he should be eating proper food not junk he's still not really buckled down to it. He's got another blood test tomorrow apparently. I'm hoping that it'll then finally sink in and/or the doctor will give him a kick up the arse.

My send off from my old job - or rather the lack of one.

The demise of Bad Girls. And the con being a bit shite.

*Milton Keynes - whatta soulless dump.

So actually having written it all down it seems that this year has had more ups than downs but some of the downs have been awful. I'm hoping 2007 will be a whole lot better for myself and for my friends.

So far in 2007 I've got my holiday to look forward to as well as various gigs - Keane & Eddi Reader in Feb/March and the Scissor Sisters in July and Rich Hall at some point if I could only remember when. I'm so looking forward to them. Oh and the play at the end of January. Which I'm very very nervous about.

WTF is that?

2006-12-18T20:22:00.000Z

Hearing the telly on downstairs has reminded me of something. What the buggery fuck is that music on the Lockets (or some kind of cold medication anyway) advert? It starts with all luvverly and tinkly piano stuff then there's someone screaming at the end, just for a second. Is it from a song? It sounds like James Blunt with a bit of Kelis' 'I hate you so much right now' tagged on the end. Which I'm sure would be entirely appropriate for some people...

Maybe its James but with an axe wielding psycho bitch running into his recording studio just as he's about to sing.

Getting Wood

2006-12-18T20:14:00.000Z

So. At the weekend I went to see Acorn Antiques the Musical at theLowry theatre in Salford. It shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that it was absolutely freakin' hilarious, from the opening Chicago piss take to Mrs Overall rising at the top of the stairs resplendant in gold pinny, to the Fatkins diet jokes (I've got no emotions 'cause I don't eat carbs) to, oh everything really (they were even selling coconut macaroons in the lobby). If you get a chance to see it on tour please do. You won't regret it, even if none of the original cast are in it. Best bit was the interval though. I had just finished looking through my programme and was resting it on my lap when a lady sat a couple of seats away from me tapped me on the arm and said that if I wanted it autographed, Victoria Wood was stood in the doorway. And lo and behold she was. And I did. I now have a small pink programme that looks like a two year old has scribbled on it. At least *I* know its her anyway.

That evening was our works Xmas do at the tres swanky new Hilton Hotel in the Beetham Tower in Manchester. Disappointingly the function room was on the first floor and had no windows so we were denied the spectacular view we were expecting. We did manage to get into the Sky Bar later on though which is on the 23rd floor and has an absolutely breathtaking view over Manchester. Its also where I chose to come out to my boss J. Bless her heart she was completely unfazed. Not that I was expecting her to be anything other than utterly lovely about it but sometimes old insecurities win out... I've only known her 10 months or so but I feel we're becoming really good friends and she's always struck me as being very cool and sweet and open minded. As indeed she is. And drop dead gorgeous but we won't go into that. ;)

I'm with stupid

2006-12-13T23:16:00.000Z

She Who Must Be Adored invited me out shopping with her after work. Sort of. I thought she was joking so I laughed and said no thanks. Its not like I was doing anything else. Why the jeesis bloody fuck didn't I say yes?

Its no wonder I never bloody get anywhere...

*bangs head repeatedly on desk*

Underachiever

2006-12-11T22:08:00.000Z

Ack! I've got so much to do this week and tonight I've done absolutely nothing. I've sat on my flabby white ass and watched tv or surfed the internet. Its the works Xmas do on Saturday and I need to do various girly things like paint my toenails and start putting some fake tan/moisturiser mix on (and other things I daren't mention) and I haven't done any of it. And its the first rehearsal of a play I'm in tomorrow night and I haven't even finished reading the play never mind attempting to learn lines or suss out my character. I always empathised with Charlie Brown for being so wishy-washy. Now you see why.

At least I've nearly finished my Xmas shopping.

Oh buggeration that's another thing I need to do. Write Xmas cards. Gawd!

New Religion?

2006-12-10T18:37:00.000Z

I've sold my soul to the devil for a Duran Duran cd. Once I've spent 24 minutes listening to the cd Mephistophilis will come for me and I'll be doomed to an eternal damnation of reading how Diana was a true saint, how all the royals are absolutely lovely and worth every penny of our taxes (or whatever), how all gays are evil and how David Cameron will save mankind.

Yep, I've bought today's Daily Mail.

Woe is me.

"Death is overrated"

2006-12-04T22:26:00.000Z

Bit of a maudlin post methinks but I'm going to do it anyway. A friend of mine died last week. Someone I hadn't actually seen very often in the last few years but who is still fondly remembered. He was a member of the Dr Who fan group I joined way way back in May 1988 and was always a lovely, laid back kind of bloke. He used to tape episodes of US cop show Hunter for me off satellite as it was back then. Don't ask me what channel, probably a proto Sky. I still have the video tapes somewhere with the episode titles written in his fair hand. Tomorrow is the funeral. I think when I get home later I'm going to watch an ep or two of Hunter from my DVD boxsets. I'd watch one of the tapes but we haven't got a working video recorder.

Fran, you'll be sadly missed.

I've also been trawling the archives of a web group I'm on with a bunch of friends. I accidentally clicked to bring up the very first messages on the group, long before I joined, and it inspired me to look for the very first message I posted. It was a few words about another friend who'd just died back in 2001. He was a lovely bloke too with an absolutely filthy sense of humour. I've just been reading all the lovely messages people wrote at the time, telling tales of his sillyness and depravity. I still think of him, especially when its Eurovision time. We all used to go to his house in Scunthorpe for Eurovision parties every year and we'd laugh like drains at the campest acts. He'd have loved Lordi winning it last year. I sometimes get this mental image of him laughing the unique way he did at such things. I like to think its actually him telling me he's still around. Then there's every time I hear Clouds Across the Moon by The Rah Band, every time I catch Showgirls on repeat, everytime I hear the name Joe Pasquale, everytime I see pistachio ice cream with chocolate sauce..... too many tales, some too gross to repeat.

Which brings me to his quote, the title of this post. "Death is overrated. Take it from one who knows."

Peter, you're still missed too.

Keane as mustard

2006-11-22T22:07:00.000Z

Yeeeee haaaarrrrghghh with bells on! Keane have announced new dates for next year via their official website. They're on pre-sales at the mo so get 'em while you can. On general sale on Friday for all of about 5 minutes.

Woo hooooooooooooooooo!

Yes I bought some btw. I am absolutely ecstatic, can't you tell? I was livid back in June when I tried to buy the tix that were on general release because they sold out astonishingly quickly. Now I'm doing a happy dance.

Feb and March next year are going to be busy busy. San Fran and LA, Eddi Reader in concert a few days later, Keane a week or so after that and I'm sure we've got tix for something else around then too. Rich Hall I think.

Um

2006-11-21T21:14:00.000Z

*taps fingers*

*whistles*

So.

Weather shite where you are then?

It doesn't seem to have deterred the chavs from hanging round the bus stop outside our house. Gobshites. We're lucky if that timetable board lasts a week before being kicked in. I wish I had a paintball gun handy. Little bastards.

Got free tix to An Evening with Elisabeth Sladen at the Fab Cafe in Manchester in the post today. I've seen her before but hey, its free.... I was starting to lose faith in that mailing list. I signed up when I was still living at my mums and it took them ages to change my address. By the time my mum passed on the letters and free tix the events would have been and gone. Even now I only get the mail-outs a day or two beforehand. I was going to go to see the new Bond flick with my Bro and his mates but I haven't quite got as much enthusiasm for Daniel Craig as I had for lovely Pierce B. Pierce was my favourite Bond. I know, I know, Connery is a legend but somehow Pierce was *mine* or at least for my generation. Sort of the way your fave Dr Who is the one you grew up with. Although going with that analogy Roger Moore should be my fave Bond. No, its Pierce all the way for me.

Fave Bond film? On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Its got Diana Rigg in it. And Joanna Lumley. And the ending where Tracy cops it makes me blub every time. Waaagh!

Fave Bond theme? Live and Let Die. A classic bit of rock and pomp from Macca. Close second could be View to a Kill I think. Lots of classics to choose from. And who could resist the lyrics, "He's got a powerful weapon, he charges a million a shot..." ? Good old Lulu.

Fave Bond girl? Oooh now that's a hard one (fnarr). Diana Rigg again I think although Famke Janssen is a very very close second. Hmmm, maybe the other way round then. Diana is gorgeous but far too pristine. Famke is alot dirtier.

Cor.

Famke.

Sorry, where was I?

Why am I so fucking crap?

2006-11-12T00:43:00.000Z

WARNING: Late night, drunken, self pitying diatribe ahead.

Orville and I have something in common. No, not green fur and a bloke's hand up our bums but we're both very shy.

I've spent approx 1 1/2 hours in the Spirit Bar in Manchester attempting to overcome that shyness with rather rubbish results. I don't know whether its obvious to other people but sometimes takes a supreme effort of will for me to talk to people. Not people I know and have known for a long time who I'm accustomed to but complete strangers. I'm not entirely sure whether I come across as confident but if I do I must be a better actress than I give myself credit for. Today I managed to get talking to a couple of people at the con as I mentioned before. They were sat in the bar and I asked them if they were at the con and if it had been that quiet all day. When they replied I asked if I could sit with them and we had a good chin wag, easy enough to do since they were both pretty chatty and friendly. I even managed to ask a few questions in the interview panel which is not like me at all.

Tonight has been a different kettle of fish. That particular couple weren't there which was a bummer. I stood on my own for a few minutes, knowing that if I didn't want the evening to be a complete wash out I was going to have to pluck up the courage to talk to someone. There were some spare seats next to some girls and I asked if I could sit with them. So far so good. I tried to start conversations with them but the music was so bloody loud and they weren't the chatty types. They wandered off after a bit. I wondered if I should offer the spare seats to a couple of folks standing behind. In the end I plumped for a lady who, like myself, was on her own and not really managing to chat to anyone. We had a conversation of sorts. She was over from Iowa for the con, had had her pic taken with a few of the stars etc. When I went to the bar I got chatting to another girl from the US and when I went back to my seat the first set of girls had come back and I divided my time between the one sat nearest to me and the lady from Iowa.

After a while the conversation dried up. The guests were leaving (the two Julies and Di Barker) and Iowa lady went over to say bye to them. Suddenly from the middle of the crowd Victoria Allcock (Julie S) caught my eye whereupon she waved and blew me a little kiss saying she'd see me tomorrow. Mind you, she was waving to everyone and blowing kisses but just for that moment I felt more included than I had done all night. Bless her heart. Sadly that was about it for my night. The first lot of girls left too and Iowa lady followed not long after. I then decided it had all been a bit too much for me and left the bar.

So to the title of the post. Why am I so fucking crap? Why do I turn tail and run when social situations get too awkward for me?

Its like when I was at a Dr Who convention in London a few years ago and Paul Cornell introduced me to TheActressMaggieStables. She was ever so lovely, asking me where I'd travelled from etc but I was just too inept and after a while I made some lame ass excuse and ran away. I'm always making lame ass excuses and running away. Many years ago a male friend told me that several people we knew found me stand-offish. I was mortified. I told him the truth. It wasn't that I didn't like anybody, I was just so cripplingly shy that I found it difficult to talk to people sometimes. Since then I've tried to make an effort to overcome my shyness. Unfortunately every time I think I've come on in leaps and bounds I have a night like tonight and I feel like I'm back at square one.

Its not always the case that I'm socially inept. Sometimes I can just hit it off with someone immediately and its like we've known each other for years. Like the other time at a Dr Who con when I met TheActorPhilipMadoc and his wife. I felt so comfortable with them and particularly Mrs Madoc (not Ruth btw, this was his second wife) that by the end of the weekend when they gave me a big hug and a kiss, I felt like part of the family. And then there's the time when I went to my friends' wedding and got on like the proverbial house on fire with one of the bride's work mates. So much so that she was talking about us all going for a girly night out in Liverpool and I could stay at her house if I liked.

One of the chaps at the theatre I go to explained this to me once. There's some technical term for it that I can't remember. Its something to do with certain people who can tune into other people's personalities straight away and use that in such a way that makes the other person feel very comfortable. If anyone reading this knows what the hell I'm blathering on about and can tell me the name of that theory then please leave a comment. I gather its something in a psychology type vein.

I felt terribly depressed on the way home tonight. Bizarrely, its not like I'm short of friends. Somehow I must have managed to get round my shyness enough that I've got quite a wide social circle. God knows how. I texted my gorgeous best mate who told me she thought I was ever so brave going to such functions where I don't know anyone. And she can talk hind legs off donkeys! She also told me not to feel so depressed. I do feel lots better now. By the time I've got a night's sleep it'll all be behind me and I'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

And talking of a nights sleep I've probably cured any readers I have of any remnants of insomnia so I'll sign off with a thankyou to bessie mate for being so utterly lovely as usual and to TheActressVickyAllcock for blowing me that kiss.

Bad Grills

2006-11-11T18:31:00.000Z

What an utter fiasco the Bad Girls convention is.

I arrived a bit late today (noon-ish) and panicked because I thoughtI might have missed alot but I needn't have worried. The con is on in that old Manopticon* location of the hotel Piccadilly in Manchester but where we had upwards of 500 people the BG lot have probably got about 50. And that's pushing it. And we're in that same huge hall. Oh dear. Hardly anyone was around when I got there. A dozen or so people were queueing to buy photos from the table next to registration but that was about it. Nothing was happening in the main hall - not even episodes were being shown. The info boards gave details of which guests were available for pics but there was no info about interview panels except to say that Helen 'Bodybag' Fraser had been on at 10.30. Even the registration pack I'd been given was dire. I'd already been sent some bumf in the post but all I got in the pack today was the same bumf but with added pass and some mystery tokens.No explanation of what exactly those tokens were for of course. I presumed they were for autographs but they may well have been for having my pic taken with the stars. Who knows. There was a small convention booklet but that was kept seperate on the table (?) and it was ridden with so many spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes it was laughable.

I kept wandering around aimlessly, went out for lunch, came back & sat in the bar etc for the next two hours but still nothing was happening. I eventually went out, bought a paper and sat back in the bar again but this time got talking to a couple who were also at the con. We were all having a good old bitch about the poor organisation. Apparently the previous night's events were awful too. Bugger all opening ceremony and then nothing for four hours until everyone decamped to Spirit Bar in the gay village for a piss up with the stars. Except that the bit that was cordoned off for the con party was the size of a shoe box and the guests didn't turn up until 11pm apparently.

I finally managed to find a panel that was happening but arrived about half way through. It was ok but the guests didn't seem to be mic'ed up and there was no roving mic for the fans to ask questions. It still managed to go ok though apart from two rather odd fans who managed to have a fall out mid panel and who were told to leave and sort it out (in the nicest possible way) by the guests on stage. Liz May Brice (Pat Kerrigan) wandered on after a while shortly to be followed by Antonia wotsit (Darlene Cake) and the rest of the guests left the stage, almost to complete silence if I hadn't started clapping. Myself and a few other fans managed to keep the panel going, asking questions when it went a bit quiet. Antonia was quite subdued though and eventually it ground to a halt. Well at least we'd managed to keep it going for an hour.

I've come home again now to chill out and have some tea. There's another party with the guests later tonight which I'm going to go to. I'm determined to get my money's worth. No doubt it'll be more of the same tomorrow.

Manopticon it ain't.

* Dr Who conventions in the 1990's run by me & my chums. And very good they were too.

Most Farted

2006-11-05T19:32:00.000Z

I'm not normally one for peurile fart jokes but this is fecking hilarious.

Thanks for that Jason.

More Whalley

2006-11-03T20:26:00.000Z

Whalley pix

2006-11-03T20:19:00.000Z

Been out at Whalley Abbey today attempting to take lovely autumnal pictures of leafy trees and ruins. Quite a few pics didn't quite turn out as well as I imagined but I don't think I did too badly. I'm most disappointed in what I thought were going to be two atmospheric shots of the moon and mist over the river that actually turned out a bit blurred. Ah well.

Swansea pix

2006-11-03T20:14:00.000Z

Oh crikey

2006-10-30T21:36:00.000Z

I've done it. I've booked for a holiday in San Francisco and LA next February. Both hotels, my flights and a San Fran city pass are booked. I should feel excited but instead I feel nauseous. I think its my inner cheapskate kicking in. £850 down the tubes just like that. Eep! I haven't even booked for the convention or my travel insurance yet.

*shakes*

On a fun note though I did notice something on the Lastminute website. In one corner there's a little link that says 'The boss is coming - look busy' and if you click on it it brings up a fake graph. Tee hee. They're so silly. I love them. Unfortunately Expedia had a better range of flights at the times I wanted them so I booked through them.

I wonder how long it'll be before I stop feeling anxious about the amount of money I've spent and start feeling excited about my hol? Probably on the flight over...

Actually, no. Probably on the flight back.

Pix

2006-10-27T22:53:00.000+01:00

Note to self: Don't try adding lovely pics to your blog late at night. It takes fecking ages and you'll keep getting error messages.

*sigh*

Winter warmer

2006-10-26T21:34:00.000+01:00

The first cold snap of autumn/winter and I've had a completely shitty day at work. So what am I cheering myself up with tonight?

1) El cheapo spaghetti bolognese ready meal from the corner shop.
2) A french fancy or two.
3) Singing Black Horse and the Cherry Tree at the top of my lungs with my headphones on, not caring if I'm in tune or not (and er, in our house of course).
4) Reading a thankyou card from the babies Farrow. Very cute.
5) A cup of tea.
6) My big woolly snuggly cardie.
7) Silly stuff on the net.

And shortly...

8) A snifter of Southern Comfort & lemonade.

Thank the lordy that tomorrow is my last day at work for a while. I'm having next week off. Hurrah! My mate Sarah is coming up from Birmingham on Saturday and we'll be out clubbing that night. Monday I should be going out for a carvery lunch at the Britannia Hotel in Manchester with my Mum & Bro. Tuesday will hopefully be spent doing sweet, sweet FA. Wednesday night me & Bro are going to watch some play thing based on two MR James short stories at Bury Met. Dunno what else I'm doing for the rest of the week but I think I'll take a trip out somewhere. Kendal maybe. Oh and I hope I'm going to watch some firework display somewhere at the weekend but I don't know where. I've a choice of the chav-tastic Leverhulme Park in Bolton on Friday or Boggart Hole Clough in Manchester on Saturday. I'd like to do a big official organised one this year. The last few years we've either had one at ours or I've been to the theatre peeps do's. As long as I get to go 'ooh' and 'ahh' and eat black peas and baked potatoes with gay abandon I don't care.

Hours of fun

2006-10-24T20:58:00.000+01:00

Thanks to Garvin on the Outpost Gallifrey forum for providing me with hours of maddening entertainment last night by posting this link. I finally got them all just now with the help of a couple of clues. Not all are horror and not all are films but quite alot of them are so silly and tenuous you'll be slapping your head raw each time you get one.

Gnash!

2006-10-19T18:48:00.000+01:00

There's nothing more guaranteed to make me feel utterly utterly stupid than having to report a technical fault to an IT Support helpline. Particularly if the person on the other end is a c**t. (Sorry about the C word - I thought I'd overused twat). I thought it couldn't get any worse than speaking to someone halfway across the world in Bangladesh who, as well as having a strong accent, speaks very quickly and knows alot more about computers than I do, using technical terms that leave me flummoxed. No, what's worse is speaking to some work-shy inbred sexist c**t in Cornwall. I'm not really very good at explaining things at the best of times but trying to log a fault on my work PC is even more difficult. FFS I couldn't even remember the phrase 'dialogue box' until a colleague prompted me. There's an Access database I use every day for my work. Populating two particular fields with a date should trigger a dialogue box, the contents of which I then print off. Except that it frequently doesn't trigger and I have to exit out of the database & go back in again to rectify it. Its been happening since before I even started with the company and my boss who (importantly) used to be an IT bod is well aware of it and has been trying to sort it out with the Engineer who periodically visits from Cornwall.

Anyhoo, boss is off for two weeks, engineer is due in on Monday and we've had an email saying that if we want him to sort anything out we have to log it with the helpdesk. Hence me logging the call. We think its a problem with the hard drive. Cornwall c**t thinks its the database itself. Today he rang to ask who created the database. I thought it was my boss but I wasn't sure,

"Well if you can find out which chap created it, they'll have to sort it out themselves."
"But everyone else uses the same database & never has a problem. We think its my hard drive." "Mmmmmm, no don't think so."

I ring back a little later.

"Its my boss who created the database, Joanne XXX"
"Well ask John..."
"Joanne!"
"Oh so its Joan...?"
"No Joanne."
"Maybe she doesn't understand what she needs to do?"
"She used to be an IT Support assistant. I think she understands perfectly."
Snort of derision from Cornwall c**t.
"Yeah well, we'll take a look at it but I don't think there's anything we can do."

Tosser.

At least I defended my boss's honour. I wish I could've done it the traditional way though. You know, by taking a very sharp, very big sword to the uncouth knave and running him through.

The world's greatest living comedian

2006-10-18T16:57:00.000+01:00

Is me. Or so it seems. One chap I speak to on a regular basis at work laughs at every single thing I say.

Every.

Single.

Thing.

I never knew I had a gift for comedy. He's been sending me these faxes every day for the last few days and not ringing me up beforehand to say that he's doing it. I inevitably get a phone call from him hours later apologising for sending one & not ringing. "Well," I say, "You keep saying that but you keep doing it!". Hahahahaahahahaahahaaaa! replies the dickhead. Yes its all absolutely fecking hilarious. I'll say the most routine, mundane thing to him regarding work and he laughs his tits off. Is it that I'm unintentionally hilarious? Is it my delivery? Maybe its my comic timing - they say its all about that.

Or is he a twat?

There's only one other person I know who does the same thing and he's a twat. The kind of twat who thinks its funny to ask me if I've ever been to Ohio just because it says Ohio on my T-Shirt. The one that I bought from Next. Unfashionable twat.

Maybe they're related.

It strikes me that this might have been an entertaining thing to send to that big mass blog thing that was being recorded for posterity yesterday. Though I'm not sure the repeated use of the word twat would've been quite the thing they were looking for.

Tarting and farting about

2006-10-16T20:58:00.000+01:00

Just thought I'd brighten up the place with a few piccies of Swansea.

Sunny jollies

2006-10-16T20:06:00.000+01:00

I find myself here on the PC attempting to book hotels and transport for a few days off I have at the beginning of next month. I haven't had enough holidays this year so I decided to take a week off with the idea of popping off to London for a few days to catch up with chums and do some touristy stuff. Now, I've been looking at train tickets. There was much publicity a few months back about the confusing range of train tickets available and the conditions you had to observe to get them. Like anyone would want to go for anything other than the cheapest tickets available. Very often these days its cheaper to get two singles and indeed, for my trip out on Thursday I can get one for £12.50. Marvellous. Sunday is a different matter. Nothing under £50 unless you want to travel really late and run the risk of your train being cancelled or getting to your destination so late that one has to get a taxi home (and it aint cheap from Manchester to here in a cab). The journey on a Sunday already takes upwards of 3 1/2 hours by the looks of it. No doubt due to engineering works. Joy. I did think of getting a train there & a flight back. It'd be cheaper and quicker. But the cheapest/best flights are either from Stanstead (too far) or leave too late in the day. Humph! So a three hour journey on the train it is. Now I just either have to ring up & see if they have any cheap tix or traipse to Manchester Piccadilly to get them in person. Despite it being more convenient to buy tix online I often end up buying them in person because that's where I can get the best deal. 21st century my arse.

So, then to hotels. I haven't had a huge amount of luck with hotels in London. Most places I have been able to afford have been decidedly dog-eared when I got there. Peeling paint, dirty carpets, bathrooms so tiny you couldn't swing a gerbil never mind a cat and one room with a faintly odd smell. The last one I stayed in was about the best. Very convenient location and it was clean and not too pokey but the bed!!!! Oh dear oh dear. Ever seen that episode of Father Ted where they're trying to give stuff up for lent and they get a nun in who replaces Ted's mattress with bricks? I think she'd been let loose in my hotel. Such a pity as it was the nicest so far. And recommended in my Lonely Planet book too. This time I've got my eye on another one from the LP book. Its in Kensington which is a little bit out of the way but in such a high falutin' neighbourhood that its got to be good, surely? And lots of readers love it apparently. The price makes me a tad suspicious though. Far too cheap for that area ie £35 a night. I'll still give it a go though if they've got a room spare.

One thing I really, really must do is finally decide if I'm going to go to San Francisco and LA next February. Some chums go every year to the Gallifrey Dr Who convention in LA and it sounded like so much fun that I wanted to go too. But I don't just want to go to LA for a Con. I've been told by a few people that LA isn't much to write home about anyway and is really awkward to get around on public transport. So I decided I'd go to San Fran for a week first then spend a few days in LA. Flights look reasonable and the LAX Marriott where the Con is held is also within my budget I think. I'm having trouble finding a hotel in SF though. There's so much to choose from. I think I've got an idea of which one to stay in but I'm wondering if I'd have the same problem in SF as I have done in London ie the cheapest hotels are deeply dodgy. And what with everything else the cost is mounting so rapidly that my purse is cringing with fear. I'd love to go. I've even kept those couple of weeks free just in case. Of course, what I could do is forego SF altogether and just go to LA for the Con and a few touristy bits. SF sounds much much nicer though. Oh what's a girl to do? I have to decide sharpish as time is really getting on and before I know it'll be Christmas and my finances will be depleted.

Talking of Christmas and hotels though (sorry to mention the C word) our works Christmas do is going to be very posh indeed. Never ones to do anything by halves we're having it in the new Hilton hotel in the very new Beetham Tower skyskraper on Deansgate. And there's talk of a few of us staying over. Rooms are upwards of £110 a night though. We reckon if we can persuade 10 people to stay over we could pay £11 each. Lets see, two, maybe three in the bed, one in the bath, one in a chair or sofa (if there is one) and that leaves six kipping on the floor. Ooh its like my twenties all over again. Bagsy being in the bed though. And preferably with my boss. Snigger.

Patter of tiny Farrows

2006-10-06T20:09:00.000+01:00

Hurrah hurrah and congratulations to my friends Jac and Nick who I've just found out had two beautiful bouncing baby boys yesterday morning. Well, Jac did obviously. Not Nick. Mother, father and babies doing very well thankyou.

New illness

2006-10-04T21:48:00.000+01:00

Ooh I've discovered I've got this problem with my jaw thanks to the Bupa website. And on the first google hit too. Hurrah. I've been having problems for a while but the last couple of days my left jaw joint has been particularly bad. It comes as no surprise then when I say that this week has been a bit hectic and stressful at work. And at home actually. I was away staying at my mums last week as my best friends mum sadly passed away at the beginning of last week due to motor neurone disease. My best mate was also in a play at the time and decided to carry on with it since that's what her mum would have wanted. So I went to the theatre every night to be there for her and helped out a bit serving tea & coffee while I was there. My dear sweet lovely girl was ever so strong and together. More so than I expected her to be. This week she's also had a school inspection to contend with. She's sailed through it with ease but dear god, as if she didn't have enough to cope with. Bless her heart.

Its the funeral tomorrow. I wish I could be there for her but I have to be content with sending a supportive text message or two and letting her know that I'm thinking of her and love her lots. I'm not good with words of advice. I'm a great listener but when it comes to words of wisdom I fall short. I get so self conscious that I'm talking complete and utter shite. My shite seems to be working so far though so I can't be all that bad. Still, the important thing is that she knows I'm here for her and psychically sending her love and hugs (or attempting to).

See, I'm even talking shite now.

Bless him

2006-09-20T22:10:00.000+01:00

My mate Jason really loves his new toy Cyberman helmet.

Incidentally

2006-09-19T22:18:00.000+01:00

Despite surfing the net for info, I'm still not entirely clear whether I can take my contact lens solution with me in my main baggage (ie not hand). And AFAIK the type of solution I'm using now isn't available in Boots. I might just have to pay £10 for a bottle of my old solution that I can't even take back with me.

Why the fuck didn't I just book a train ticket?

In my defence, I did book the flight before all this foiled terrorist plot hoo-ha kicked off.

My mind drifts off to happier thoughts. I had a busy weekend all in all. Thursday night was spent in the Waterhouse pub in Manchester where a couple of my friends from Durham met with us. They were down for some clubbing in the Village and popped in to see us. A nice evening but I felt much more subdued than normal. I think it was the monster headache I'd been nursing for a couple of days. Either that or it was one of my little phases where I do go very quiet indeed. I don't feel depressed or miserable during these times just kind of lethargic and pensive (I think that's the right word to describe it).

Friday night was a works girly night out with my boss, AM, V who'd been with us last time and V's best mate who turned out to be someone who'd worked with my mum many moons ago in the local library. Small world. It wasn't quite as wild and raucous as last time. The food was better (sea bass with garlic potatoes and then chocolate and raspberry tart) but the karaoke had been replaced with an Irish band. Except that they weren't very Irish at all really. Or very good. A bit subdued again but not as bad as Thursday. And none of us drank as much as last time so the evening came to a much earlier end. The main reason being that my boss, AM & I had to be up at a reasonable hour to go to a football match.

Yep, me at a footie match. Everton vs Wigan at Goodison Park. It was a corporate do that they'd had a spare ticket for so they invited me. I had to posh up a little as we weren't allowed to wear jeans or trainers. Or so we'd been told by the organiser. When we got there loads of other people were wearing jeans. So we got a free glass of champagne on arrival, free Everton pen and programme, a four course meal (distinctly average) and all the alcoholic drinks we could get down our necks. The match was fairly entertaining too. Only a little bit of on-pitch aggro and the Everton fans turning the air blue swearing at the ref amused me lots for some strange reason. My, they're a passionate bunch. And talking of passion, my boss and I got rather close during the day. Not in a I'm-going-to-snog-you-right-now kind of way but in a girly snuggly way. She kept leaning close to say stuff during the match, even resting her head on my shoulder a couple of times. Oh boy. And we were packed in a bit tightly during the meal too so that our legs were touching under the table. It was just so comfortable. Neither of us made much of an effort to keep them from touching. I'm not reading too much into it. I think she was just being girly matey.

Bloody hell it made my day though. Suddenly I quite like football.

Oh to be in Thailand

2006-09-19T21:59:00.000+01:00

Why can't our military overthrow our PM? Anyone? Anyone? Oh aye, its cause most of them are in the middle east that's why.

Instead, this weekend I shall be in Swansea. If I manage to get there. Actually getting there mightn't be too bad its getting back that's the problem. You see, I'm flying. Work is getting a bit hectic at the min and the woman who is most able to cover for me will be in New York so I can't really take much time off. Not that my boss has said that. I've just taken it upon myself really. So I thought I'd fly to Cardiff and make my way to Swansea from there. Except the pubic transport between the two cities looks to be a bit of a nightmare. Especially on a Sunday when I will be travelling back. We're talking a bus from Swansea to Bridgend, a half hour wait and then a train to Cardiff Airport. Still, the scenery might be fantastic so the bus ride might actually be very pleasant. I'm keeping an open mind. One time when I was making my way back to Uni in Leicester the train from Manchester to Sheffield was replaced by a bus over the pennines. Oh it was lovely. The weather was fine, the late afternoon sun cast a beautiful glow over the hills, the scenery was magnificent and my Sheryl Crow tape was a wonderful soundtrack. Ahhh.

Unfortunately it means that the two and a half days I'd planned to spend at the Dr Who convention are now pared down to one. And I've paid for the whole damn weekend. Bah! And a mate of mine who normally does DJing at these things isn't going so we'll have no funky disco this year. Pooh!

Maybe this is a sign. That I have to mend my geeky ways and get a life? No. That I'll have to book for next February's convention in Los Angeles sharpish while I still have the money and the motivation? Oh yes indeedy.

My day

2006-09-14T12:37:00.000+01:00

Here's what the Yahoo horrorscope says my day is going to be like;

Your level of physical and mental energy should be very high today, dear Cancer, and so you might feel restless throughout the morning. As a result, you might spend your afternoon and evening out and about, shopping, paying visits, and attending classes or lectures. Some stimulating discussions could take place. At some point, you might find yourself admiring a park or garden. Don't try to do too much, and enjoy your day.

Here's what it should actually say;

Your level of physical and mental energy should be very low today, dear Cancer. So much so that you feel like resting your head on your desk and sobbing. You'll have a banging headache and feel as rough as a dogs arse, like a hangover without the pleasure of drinking the night before. You'll feel much better by lunchtime though when you'll manage to stuff a sausage and egg barm down your gullet. You'll spend your day sat at the same desk you always do, avoiding work by surfing the internet and listening to the torrential rain on the roof of the portacabin. Some distinctly average conversations will take place including one where your sexy boss laughs and calls you a drama queen for leaving a message on her answering machine saying you'll be late yet again because of the 'bloody traffic'. At some point you may find yourself admiring her arse. On the plus side though, it turns out a couple of your chums are paying a surprise visit to your home city to sink a few beverages. Try to make an effort, eh?

Screws vs Lags

2006-09-11T20:30:00.000+01:00

Oh hurrah, hurrah. The world's first ever Bad Girls convention comes to Manchester. I think I'm going to wet myself.